Please give me suggestions about how to improve this essay about television and violence.
Another misrepresentation about violence that television programs demonstrate to young people is that violence is often rewarded and rarely has negative consequences. This can be seen in The Simpsons as Sideshow Bob is paroled from prison even though there is evidence that he is still a threat to Bart. This has both the victim and bystander effect on children as they encounter similar scenes while interacting with media. The victim effect causes young people to think of the world as an intimidating and unforgiving place and the bystander effect leads them to callousness and desensitisation over violence and its victims.
I have two main comments on this paragraph.
First, I would say that it is a little bit hard to justify saying that Sideshow Bob suffers no negative consequences from his violence towards Bart. First of all, he is in prison even if he does get paroled. Second of all, he gets caught by the police again at the end of the show and we assume he is going back to prison. This hardly seems to send the message that there are no consequences to violence.
Second, I think that you should explain the ways in which this show causes the two effects better. The victim effect is fairly obvious, though you could still give a brief sentence making clear how this show causes young people to feel that way. But it is harder to see how the bystander effect applies here. I would suggest that you clearly state how and why this episode would, in your mind, bring about a bystander effect.
If you are going to use an episode about Sideshow Bob in The Simpsons as an example, I think you ought to give a lengthier description of that particular episode. A good percentage of your readers (like myself) would never have seen the Sideshow Bob episode and might never watch The Simpsons. You might even explain who Bart is. (I'm guessing that he is the little boy.) I think it is an interesting and appropriate example and could use a little elaboration.