PLease can you help me with a powerful last sentence for my essay on: Tell us what you do for pleasure in your busy life. We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are...

PLease can you help me with a powerful last sentence for my essay on: Tell us what you do for pleasure in your busy life.

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words or fewer)

Essay:

Let me warn you that magic is not just in fairy tales. It never reveals itself with a simple abracadabra or hocus pocus- trust me, I’ve tried. Magic is powerful yet subtle, rare yet incessant, mesmerizing yet easily forgotten. Magic is what happens every time I turn the crisp pages of an unread book, or engross myself in just another clichéd fairy tale movie. In a world full of school, homework, and extracurricular activities, the magic books and movies present, transport me to a different world. After exhausting hours of AP Biology study sessions, all I need is a dip into the thrilling world of Narnia, or an escape to the mysterious atmosphere revealed by Dan Brown.

Any powerful last sentence I should end with? I don't know how to end it ... . Any ideas?

Asked on by jenjen456

2 Answers | Add Yours

anthonda49's profile pic

anthonda49 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 2) Associate Educator

Posted on

What an excellent essay. It does have a few grammatical errors in it to correct before turning it in. Here are some of my thoughts:

In the daily grind of simply living through another twenty-four hours, this simple magic can cure the ills of the individual's personal world.

Without these brief, magical interruptions to our daily existence, life would hold much less meaning.

This time to laugh, ponder, and thrill to an unknown world can vastly improve our own small universe.

Without this magic to draw us from our shells, we would, indeed, be a dull folk.

I hope some of these will spark your own unique ending for your own, unique essay. I so agree with it. While studying for orals for my master's degree, I took time out to see an obscure movie called Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday ( I think that's the correct day of the week) with Lee Marvin. I laughed so hard, it cleared my cluttered mind to cram a little more in. And, yes, I did pass my orals!

akannan's profile pic

Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I think the previous post's thoughts were very strong.  I would also add that you might want to expand a bit on how these books and others like them represent both an escape from the present as well as a portal into another world.  I like the opening, but think that you might want to balance it out a bit with more support and detail on the specific genre's hold for you.  In terms of finding a closing, I would think that if you provide more substantiation to what you have presented, a closing could be appropriately fitted in simply explaining how these books occupy your time outside of the realm of socially dictated responsibility.  If you liked a concluding note from one of these books, perhaps using or modifying it to close your essay would be another step.  With the 1000 word limitation, it seems to me that the primary function is going to be establishing that introduction, bringing out the substantiation in the body of the text, and then finding a way to bring both together in the ending.

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