What techniques can I use to reduce a 350-word essay to 250 words?The person who wins at his every toss with a coin, facing the other side of it is not a good experience for him. From my very...

What techniques can I use to reduce a 350-word essay to 250 words?

The person who wins at his every toss with a coin, facing the other side of it is not a good experience for him. From my very childhood, I loved to win at every time. I never exfoliated. I received scholarship in my primary school (5th grade) & junior school (8th grade) indeed. I got the warm touch of winning in most of my extracurricular activities like in debate, recitation, science projects & so on.

Time went on. I intended to be in my new school in the year of 2010. According to the educational system of Bangladesh, every student has to be admitted to a new school after completing his 10th grade’s final examination (we call it Secondary School Certificate Examination). Every student tries to be in a reputed high-school. Definitely, I was not a different one. I thought that to perform best in academic work & extracurricular activities, I need a rich platform. So, I prepared myself to be admitted into the first-ranked college of the country.

The tragedy was, in fact, I couldn’t admit to there! Yes,I consider this situation as the most significant challenge of my life.

I settled myself to face the challenge. Certainly, I didn’t lose my courage.

(I canbot add the rest bcz of character limitation.May u help to shorten this part?)

 

Asked on by nahianbk

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billdelaney's profile pic

William Delaney | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Over the years I have found it enjoyable to eliminate words from pieces I have written. The reader does not miss the words that are not there. I sometimes go through an article and try eliminating just one word from each line. Doing that with your essay would be easy. Take the first sentence:

The person who wins at his every toss with a coin, facing the other side of it is not a good experience for him.

You can eliminate "his" because this is self-evident. You can change "facing the other side of it" to just "losing." And you can eliminate "for him" because that is self-evident. You would end up with something like this:

For the person who wins every toss of the coin, losing can be a painful experience.

Your sentence has twenty-four words. My revision has sixteen. That is cutting eight words. If you could do that with every sentence, you would have no trouble eliminating a hundred words.

Your next sentence is very short, so I have taken two sentences as follows:

From my very childhood, I loved to win at every time. I never exfoliated.

You can do without "my very" and "at every time." You can do without the second sentence entirely because it is gibberish. "Exfoliated" means a tree losing all its leaves--I think. So you end up with:

From childhood I loved to win.

I have reduced your fourteen words to six, another reduction of eight words.

I suggest you follow my example. Just take one sentence at a time and see if you can't eliminate a couple of words. Then if you need to cut more, go back and look for more words to eliminate. Each draft will be tighter and will sound better. This is now to develop a clear, concise style.

You can learn to enjoy detecting superfluous and redundant words, not only in your own writing, but it other people's writing.

thanatassa's profile pic

thanatassa | College Teacher | (Level 3) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

You can revise your essay to be more concise in two ways. First, you can look at your overall structure and eliminate entire sentences that do not contribute to your main point. Second, you can work on the sentence level to rephrase your ideas using fewer words.

On the global level, your focus seems to be that you have overcome obstacles by turning them into opportunities. You might consider omitting any sentences that are just general background and don`t contribute specifically to supporting that theme.

Combine sentences if the subject matter overlaps and omit filler. For example, you take several sentences to say that you applied to the best school in your area and were not omitted. That can be condensed to a single sentence.

On the sentence level, look for redundant or unneeded words.

nahianbk's profile pic

nahianbk | Student, Grade 11 | (Level 3) eNoter

Posted on

The rest of the essay is here:

I got myself admitted into another school, in fact, the second ranked, but the platform to perform in diversified activities was ‘slim’ there.  So what? The determination in me ordered me one thing, “Make the platform. You can!’’

Within a few days, I, along with some of my classmates, found 3 clubs in our school- for debating, photography & science.

Now, I am the founder Vice President of both the debating & photography club. In the year 2010-11, our debating club became the “Best Debating Organization” nationally & I was “Best Debater of the Year”. Two of our photographers (including me) exhibited their own photographs in a national exhibition. Two teams of our science club displayed their project in 4 science festivals. I believe that I won the challenge, didn’t I?

From then, I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me & 90 percent how I react to it. We are, perhaps, in charge of our attitudes.

 

 

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