Please help me revise the the rough draft below.
Not entire essay, will not fit. Will post rest in second question
As I read, “A Story of an Hour,” by Kate Chopin, I cannot help but wonder is this a story from her life?
“A Story of an Hour,” is a story of a woman whose life is drastically changed in a short period of time. Mrs. Mallard, a young woman who suffers from heart disease is given the terrible news that her husband is killed in a train crash. Though like any person hit with a sudden shock, she immediately reacts with tears; her pain of losing her husband is quickly driven away by the realization of her new freedom! Unfortunately, her joy was soon driven away when her suppose to be dead husband comes walking through the front door. It is more then her heart can handle and thus she dies.
Kate Chopin has been credited for her amazing ability to write passionate and heartfelt emotions such as those in “A Story of and Hour.” Though I agree that she was an extremely talented writer I believe that Chopin wrote this story as a way of telling the story of her own marriage. Kate was married young at the age of 20 and moved away from her hometown of St. Louise to live with her husband in New Orleans. There is little known of her marriage to Oscar Chopin other then the basics, where they lived, what he did for a profession and that they had 6 children in the brief time they had together. In 1882, just 12 years after they were married, Oscar died of malaria leaving Kate to raise 6 children alone and greatly in debt.
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You have a solid thesis and first draft here, but there are a few things you might work on as your start revising.
First, the opening might be better phrased in third person. Since the essay is argumentative, rather than a reader response, you should avoid first person, a way of phrasing things that emphasizes reader rather than story. Rather than use phrases such as “As I read” and “I cannot help but wonder”, which talk about you, the reader, you can simply state: “Kate Chopin’s “A Story of an Hour” has significant parallels to the author’s own life”
The other area that could use a bit of work is overly dramatic language. Exclamation points are rarely used in academic writing.
“Kate Chopin has been credited for her amazing ability to write passionate and heartfelt emotions such as those in “A Story of and Hour.” “: I’m not sure this actually adds anything to the essay. Anyone reading a piece of criticism about Chopin probably already knows that she is a skilled and well-known writer. I would delete this.
“Though I agree that she was an extremely talented writer”: also reads as filler. I think the point you are trying to make is that although Chopin was clearly able to invent characters and plots, in this story she relied on materials from her own life. The language could be clarified a bit.
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