I need help writing a play for five friends for a dramatic club. the play needs to be related to any ONE specific feeling. Each of the friends needs at least two lines, and they need to display strong emotions. (something similar to this or edit this) Here it goes but i am not confirmed that whether its completed or not please complete if not. Title Emotion: Fear Characters: 1,2,3,4,5 Setting: Abandoned building [Five friends walk down a deserted hallway of an abandoned building] 1: Man, this place give me the creeps. It's like my grandma's basement except a hundred times worse. 2: Shhh...I thought I heard something in that room. 3 and 4, go check it out. 3,4 (unison): Why us? You go! 2: Because coming in here was your idea. 5: Somebodies gotta go, but it ain't gonna be me. 3: Fine, 4 and I will go but you guys better watch our backs. [3,4 push open door and enter room] 1 (whispered): What's in there? Hey, guys...can your hear me? 5 (whispered): I bet their dead already. Why won't they answer? We're in so much trouble. 4: Who are you? What are you...... (terrified scream) [3 runs past group] 3: Take them, not me! [End scene]
The sketch you have going seems to do a good job of creating a scenario and giving the characters a specific conflict to address. The situation is concisely drawn and quickly engages in interplay and also suggests that this is a high-stakes scenario.
One critique I would offer here is to ask you if you feel that the stakes are specific enough as an articulation of what is at stake might help also to fully develop the emotion you are working with. As a caveat, I feel I should say that offering ideas on a task like this one is a bit tricky because your creative vision and your conception may not be aided by specific suggestions.
For feedback, I would offer a few thoughts. The emotion of fear is dealt with in the sketch, but could be made more pronounced. One way to articulate the emotion more strongly may be to allow the characters to talk more about exactly what they expect to find in the room.
- There may be dead people, but who are they?
- Is there a way to use vivid language to create a precise expression of what the characters fear?
- Are the characters afraid of what they will find or are they afraid of what will happen to them if they enter the room?
- Is there a particular killer on the loose or outcome of the situation to be afraid of for the characters?
As the sketch stands now, the emotion dealt with is certainly one of fear, but it is might be seen as anxiety or paranoia as well. By being more specific about what the characters are afraid of, fright might become the more dominant inflection of the fear emotion.
Again, these ideas may or may not speak to your vision of the scene. You may want to keep the element of menace (killer or monster, etc.) as a mystery. Some people would argue, however, that using a more pointed menace tends to build anticipation more effectively than a mysterious and completely unknown figure/entity. As J.K. Rowling wrote:
“Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself.”
I would ask if you feel that the characters are each displaying strong emotions in the scene and try to make sure that every character is clearly expressing fear. There is a chance that some of the characters (2 and 5) may not be displaying fear "strongly," at least in comparison to 3 and 4.
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