I need help editing my soliloquy of Macbeth in a Modern context (gang theme) to a High standard....
I am having quite some difficulty with my Year 12 English assignment on Macbeth and need some proofreading/editing to make it more professional. I am to take on the role of a character in the play Macbeth who presents a soliloquy or speech in a modern context (gang theme).
The scene i have chosen to rewrite is Act 1 Scene 7 where Macbeth is pondering whether to kill Duncan or not.
If only the action is all that is required to kill him and end’s all that I must go through. If I committed the deed and then afterwards, what’s done is done, if no one ever found out, everything went as planned and all was a success, then no doubt I’d have killed him by now, swiftly without hesitation…
Killing Duncan would most likely very well make everything point to me Macbeth, to become the Head of our Gang. It’d have to be me; as I’m probably the second most trusted and respected within the group. I’d be in charge as I’ve spent my time here and proved my loyalty to all, worked up into the ranks from back when I was a Foot Soldier to my time now as a General. The countless deed’s it has taken to get here would all just seem worth it at last. The death, drugs and the criminal record held against me wouldn’t seem to matter. I’d have all the power, authority and respect I’d ever want and need, these would be my men and heavily protected, there’d be no potential to dispute me ever again.
If I understand the assignment correctly, you are writing your own soliloquy based upon paraphrasing of Macbeth's soliloquy. If this is correct, then you must focus as much (if not more) on creating the character voice of your gang leader as on editing, proofreading, or being professional. A simply paraphrase ( a rewriting of the soliloquy using words that you understand more easily) is one thing, but writing a speech for a character to say involves making sure that you have that character's tone and voice.
I like these phrases that you have, and think they send your soliloquy in a good direction:
But what if it came back to haunt me? What if my brother’s and friends found out? Then who would be on the firing line? Where would I go? Surely this isn’t worth it. I’d be living in fear day-after-day and there’d be nothing worth living for. These men are smart – they’d find and kill me, like I’ve seen them hunt down other criminals and gang lords. They would be uncontrollable on their desperate hunt and they’d be all over me not forgetting the cops.
The thing that your soliloquy needs, to give it the flavor of a drug-dealing gang member, is, actually, less grammatical correctness and more of a sense of street language. You should look at a movie or TV show that you know that involves characters like the one you are creating. Notice their speech patterns and try to create a pattern of speech for this character that really catches the flavor of the street.
In case you're interested, here's the trailer for a film version of Macbeth, set in a modern gang world. The text is still 100% Shakespeare, but at least you'll get a feel for the atmosphere. If the link below doesn't work, the director of the film is Geoffrey Wright, and you can search for the film using his name.
can u edit the second paragraph above aswell please
But what if it came back to haunt me? What if my brother’s and friends found out?… then who would be on the firing line and suffer immense consequences both in this life and “in the life to come”? And there is nothing that could prepare a man for that. I’d have to flee somewhere else and hope never to be found. What about appearance, it’d be a must to conceal my identity with utterly different looks. Where would I go? Surely this isn’t worth it? I’d be living in fear day-after-day and there’d be nothing worth living for. There would be the guilt that would bear a permanent place within my soul and I’d have no job, no money and I’d just spend the hours of my life on the run – back where I started. But no, these men are smart – they’d find and kill me, like I’ve seen them hunt down other criminals and ganglords. They would be uncontrollable on their desperate hunt and they’d be all over me not forgetting the cops.
Yeah the more I think about it, the more it seems ridiculous. The consequences and aftermath of murdering my boss don’t seem to stack up to my ambitions.
Besides, this is Duncan; he’s like a brother to me. He offered me protection, a place where I can call home, and took me under his wing when as a young kid I had nothing. All I was; was an easy target for crims and I’d get jumped walking to and from school. Duncan taught me his ways, ways to make money and earn a living the hard way. I can’t imagine what I would have done if I didn’t join these men as I was on the downslide – leaving home there was nowhere else to go. He’s never done anything wrong by me; he’s always been a generous man within our crew, stern but a man of his word and he has always protected every member in the gang including myself, and as his cousin, I’m trusted by him, I should be protecting the man, shutting the door to any potential murderers, not trying to kill him myself.
Does Duncan really deserve to die after everything’s he’s done for me?