My letter to lil wayne
The game wasn’t yours. You were destined to win it and with a passion for music you did. Now that you’re in jail everyone misses you. You have been gone for 60 seconds,but you’ll be back in a minute. Hip hop was dying and you are the reason it’s alive. Soon as you hit that cell hip hop died. You being the best, a lot of people doubt you. You opened up your Mac book and gave them the drought. They opened their ears and started closing their mouths. You brought heat to New Orleans when they were freezing in the South. You are an inspiration to many people around the world that can relate to what you had to go through going up. Life wasn’t easy for you especially since you grew up in the hood. Your whole life you had nothing to call your own and now you’re holding the world in the palm of your hand.
Personally though, I don’t know you. But you did this for us so I feel like I owe you. Killing other rappers strengths is why they hate you. So you going to jail is what they’ve been waiting for. I can’t wait for you to get out and step your game up even harder. One thing I know is that you going to jail has only toughened you up and that if you can survive this you can do anything. So while you’re in that cell sitting on your bed I’m going to pick up the world and drop it on their heads. Stay strong because you are the bullet proof vest and Young Money is the weapon.
I think that you have composed a very personalized and emotional writing to the rapper. I agree with the previous post in that we have little idea on what standards you will be assessed and it might help to have some idea in order to give you more focused feedback. I wonder if it would be possible to interject something about what you think Lil Wayne will gain from his time in jail. It seems that this is a teachable moment for him and for what he will contribute back to the game when he is released. Will he progress with business as usual and simply pick up where he left off or will there be something different? Incarceration is a moment where reflection could be the greatest commodity. How will this be evident in his life and his work once he is released? I think that your idea that you "owe him" could gain even more traction if you are able to inject this note of reflection about his incarceration in your letter.
I see you went a totally different route with your letter. I love it! It is very metaphoric, and at times even poetic.
You will have to excuse my ignorance for lil wayne though. I don't know alot about him.There are times when you may be quoting lyrics and a sentence or phrase may be confusing to me. If that is something I suggest you change because the meaning in unclear, just ignore me.
Your first two sentences are so strong, that the third is lacking something; maybe find another, more powerful word for "misses".
The sentence "As soon as you hit that cell hip hop died", you may want to reword. You just got finished saying it [hip hop] was now alive, in the previous sentence. You could even just add the word "again" after "died".
Why would people doubt him if he is the best? Is doubt the word you are looking for there? Jealousy or envy maybe. Rethink that sentence.
I LOVE your next two sentences.
In your second paragraph you don't need the "personally though", just start out with "I don't know you" and use a comma to hook it to the next sentence.
The third sentence about killing other rappers strengths is a little awkward. You may just want to flip it around-"Other rappers hate you because you are killing their strengths"-something like that.
This is an amazing second draft. I don't know what you will be graded on but I think you have done excellent work.