My best friend and I started dating, I knew he likes drinking, smoking and even taking drugs. Now that I have realized that It is getting serious, I don't want to have a boyfriend like that but I really like him. Should I talk about it with him? Would I look like I want to controll him?

Expert Answers

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Because I work with prisoners and homeless youth, I'm going to answer this question.  If you have already realized that you do not want a boyfriend who does drugs and is chemically dependent; I applaud your grown up decision.  I know that you would like to help your friend, but doing that may draw you into his world.  You do NOT want to do that as it is so easy to slip into that drug world.  Tell him gently that, while you have enjoyed his company, you do not enjoy his use of chemicals.  Perhaps they change his personality and besides, they are illegal.  You can be charged also if you are with him and he is caught with drugs.  I understand that you like him, but there are many other boys to like.  PLEASE, let him go with suggestions for where to get help, or introduce him to a counselor or teacher who can help him.  YOU are not responsible for his choices.  Don't be like the girls I see who cry because they are in jail, and their boyfriends got them put there.  Let him CHOOSE to quit using; YOU need to run far, far away.

 

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