May I have help correcting or evaluating this essay?Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the...

May I have help correcting or evaluating this essay?

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?

Facing the other side of a coin is not a good experience for an achiever. From my very childhood, I loved to win every time. I received merit-based scholarships in my 5th grade, 8th grade & 10th grade. Indeed; I got the warm touch of winning in most of my extracurricular activities like in debate, recitation, science projects & so on. According to the educational system of Bangladesh, every student has to be admitted to a new school after completing his 10th grade’s final examination (we call it Secondary School Certificate Examination). In 2010, it was my turn. Definitely, I intended to be in the best school to perform best in both academic works & extracurricular activities. So, I prepared myself to be admitted into the first-ranked college of the country. The tragedy was, in fact, I couldn’t admit to there! And, I consider this state as the most significant challenge.

Not losing my courage, I got myself admitted into another school, in fact, the second ranked, but the platform to perform in diversified activities was ‘slim’ there. Then the determination in me ordered me one thing, “Make the platform!’’


*(the rest part is in the answer's place)

Expert Answers
stolperia eNotes educator| Certified Educator

The directions you are given don't ask you to describe a challenge you have "won," but to explain how you reacted to a major challenge in your life that did not turn out as you had hoped and expected it would. You have done an admirable job of answering that assignment by providing background information that tells what you anticipated, explaining what actually happened when you took the SSCE, and giving examples of how you are making the best out of the situation you have to deal with.

I would suggest starting a new paragraph at "According to the educational system of Bangladesh..." since you are moving from background information to explanation of the critical event that became your challenge. You might also want to start a new paragraph at "Now, I am..." as you relate the actions you have taken as you have reacted to your new school setting. You might want to change or eliminate the final sentence.

nahianbk | Student

Well,what if I delete the last sentence & add

''This winning cheers me to have the valor of facing new challenges.''?

nahianbk | Student
Thank you very much stolperia.
nahianbk | Student
I marked out a work-plan for the unusual situation for me. I firmly believed that 10 percent is what happens to me & 90 percent how I react to it. Within a few days, I, along with some of my classmates, found 3 clubs in our school- for debating, photography & science. Now, I am the founder Vice President of both the debating & photography club. In the year 2010-11, our debating club became the “Best Debating Organization” nationally & I was “Best Debater of the Year”. Two of our photographers (including me) exhibited their own photographs in a national exhibition. Two teams of our science club displayed their project in 4 science festivals. I believe that I won the challenge, didn’t I?