LonelinessDo you choose to be lonley? Yes or No?

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Lori Steinbach eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Loneliness is an emotion, and generally we don't choose our emotions--though we can certainly often control them or learn to control them.  Instead, I think some people choose to be alone, which can certainly cause loneliness.  I like being alone more than many people, and I rarely ever find myself feeling lonely.  Conversely, it's possible to feel lonely in a room full of people if one would like to be a participant but doesn't choose to engage with any of them. 


pohnpei397 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

You mean do people in general choose whether or not to be lonely?  I think it depends, but I would say in general, they do not.

I think that many people who are lonely are lonely because they lack social skills.  I do not think that most people really choose to lack those skills.  They may lack them because people have shunned them for the way they look -- not a matter of choice.  Or because of the clothes they wear -- not always a matter of choice.

besure77 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I personally don't choose to be lonely because I like to be around people. I like to be alone sometimes but this doesn't make me lonely. It's just nice to get some "me time" every once in a while.

If some people like to be alone then I am not sure if I would necessarily say that they are lonely either. On the other hand, a person may be surrounded by loads of people but still have feelings of loneliness. It's different for everyone.

ask996 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

This is a difficult question, and perhaps we should distinguish being "alone" and being "lonely." Being alone is sometimes rewarding in that it allows us to fill emotional needs such as destressing, relaxing or other things. Being lonely is an emotional deficit. It is something that lacks in our life. So while we choose to be alone, and we might choose the circumstances that create loneliness, we do not choose to be lonely.

lrwilliams eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I would have to say that in general people do not choose to be lonely. As mentioned above some may lack the social skills to make and keep friends, but I do not think that they choose to remain lonely.