How can I edit my thesis statement comparing Macbeth and Brave New World for correctness and clarity?
Everyone in life aspires to be free. To live a life free from oppression, injustice, cruelty and hardships of life. In the novels Macbeth and Brave New World the protagonists Bernard and Macbeth both aspire to attain freedom. In the novel Brave New World Bernard wants to be free from the odd mindset that society has kept him tied to and in the novel Macbeth, Macbeth wants to be free of the guilt he feel from his conscience.
The thesis statement is the most important sentence in your paper. It is best that it be clear, concise, and specific. My first suggestion is to shorten this and make it clearer.
Here is an example:
The protagonists of Macbeth and Brave New World share a desire to live a life free from oppression, injustice, cruelty and hardships.
Now you can keep your first sentence if you want to put it in front of your thesis as a sort of hook to draw the reader in to the essay. You need to develop this idea. In the explanatory sentences, you want to be more specific and use clearer word choice. Don’t forget to italicize the both book titles and you call Macbeth a play and not a novel.
In the novel Brave New World Bernard wants to be free from the odd mindset that society has kept him tied to and in the novel [play] Macbeth, Macbeth wants to be free of the guilt he feel[s] from his conscience.
The words that are in bold are the ones I suggest you change. You need to clarify the idea of “odd mindset” by being specific about the mindset of the people in the novel. Also, you need to develop the idea of how he is connected to this mindset, and the role of society. Finally, how is Macbeth’s guilt developed? This idea is also unclear.
Since the second idea is a little less developed, let's address it. Where does Macbeth's guilt manifest itself? Consider, for example, when he seems to be talking himself out of killing Duncan.
He's here in double trust:
First, as I am his kinsman and his subject,
Strong both against the deed; then, as his host,
Who should against his murderer shut the door (Act 1, Scene 7, p. 22)
Think about what is really happening here. Is he guilty? Is he scared? This is the idea you need to find.
You’re off to a good start! Best of luck.