Jokes and Riddles!Have you got any jokes that you'd like to share; that will make people laugh and fall off their chair! Whether they be lame or old; I bet you that they're pure gold! So share...

Jokes and Riddles!

Have you got any jokes that you'd like to share;

that will make people laugh and fall off their chair!

Whether they be lame or old;

I bet you that they're pure gold!

So share them, share them right here

And put a smile on a face with a cheer!

_

As this... 'Intriguing' poem I've just written on the spot (in about one and a half minutes) illustrates, have you got any good riddles or jokes to share with the eNotes community that you think is funny?

For example;

Q: What's a monkey's favourite time of the year?

A: APE-ril.

 

Another one;

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?

A: An investigator!

 

Your turn! :)

_

Asked on by wanderista

14 Answers | Add Yours

litteacher8's profile pic

litteacher8 | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Funny!  My favorite riddles are from The Hobbit.  Biblo and Gollum have a riddle war, which Blibo wins by tricking Gollum with the riddle "what's in my pocket" answer: the ring!

There is this one:

Alive without breath,
As cold as death;
Never thirsty, ever drinking,
All in mail never clinking

That is a fish!

And this one:

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills.
It comes first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laughter.

Dark

Riddles play a large role in mythology, and in books that make allusions to myths.  For example, there are riddles in several of the Harry Potter boks.


wannam's profile pic

wannam | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator

Posted on

Here's a riddle:

A coin rests at the bottom of a glass bottle.  A cork covers the opening of the bottle.  Without removing the cork from the bottle and without breaking the glass, how can we retrieve the coin?

Answer: Push the cork through the opening, tilt the bottle, and retrieve the coin.

 

readerofbooks's profile pic

readerofbooks | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Here is one that my son told me; it is a riddle. I thought it was pretty clever.

What is black and white and red all over? The answer is a newspaper. Newspapers are typically black and white and people read them. Sorry if you find this one a bit corny. Good luck.

e-martin's profile pic

e-martin | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I admit to falling in love with that interupting cow joke once and apparently the love is still alive. Thank you accessteacher for reminding me.

Here's a simple riddle. Maybe you've heard it before:

I've got two coins that add up to thirty cents and one of them is not a nickel.

How is this possible?

pohnpei397's profile pic

pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I was stupid enough to introduce my kids to the interrupting cow joke from Post 3.  So I deserve the periodic outbreaks of various interrupting animal knock-knock jokes.

In Hawaii, a certain ethnic group is the butt of many jokes.  The jokes are like the blonde joke in Post 2.  A dated one is "How do you know that a (member of ethnic group) has been using the computer?  Because there's white out on the screen."  Or "Why did the .... have to break his car window?  Because he locked his family inside."

Lots of humor in Hawaii is ethnic.  Since I'm Filipino I can use this one, based on the idea that Filipinos are/were known for eating dog: "What do you call a Filipino walking a dog?  A vegetarian.  What do you call a Filipino walking 100 dogs?  A rancher."

All sidesplitting I'm sure.

accessteacher's profile pic

accessteacher | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I concur with #2 that jokes are something that I find harder and harder to remember, but, as with all things, some of the golden oldies are actually the best ones. My son recently reminded me of an excellent joke:

Knock knock.

Who's th(MOOOOO)ere?

The interrupting cow.

The person telling the joke interrupts the person saying "Who's there" with the "Mooooo," in case that isn't clear enough. :-) If you thought that was good, wait until you hear the other 65 different versions with different animals that my kids made up.

vangoghfan's profile pic

vangoghfan | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I've found that the older I get (not that I'm ancient), the harder it is for me to remember jokes, although I have always loved jokes -- the cornier, the better.  I wonder if anyone has any thoughts about why we tend to find it harder to remember jokes as we age. Many, many people have told me that this is the case.

Here's the only (appropriate) joke I can remember at the moment:

Three blondes walked into a bar; you'd think at least one of them would have noticed!

Here's another that just popped into my head:

A blonde was driving down a busy highway, knitting.  Alarmed by this behavior, a police officer pulled up next to her and shouted, "PULL OVER!  PULL OVER!" She yelled back, "no, it's a scarf! It's a scarf!"

As a blonde myself, I hope I can get away with telling these jokes. :-)

 

 

 

ayy-dee's profile pic

ayy-dee | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

The officer is quite stunned.

 

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Don't Mess With Mature Ladies!

ayy-dee's profile pic

ayy-dee | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

A mature (over 50) lady gets pulled over for speeding….

 

Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago fordrunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please..

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not? 
Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what? 
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

 

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.

A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.


Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner? 
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

 

ayy-dee's profile pic

ayy-dee | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

Sipho's letter to Edgars

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7 November 2009 in which for the
3rd time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want
you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to pay as
soon as possible.

However I would like to bring to your attention that you are not my only
creditor. I have many more creditors, quite as honourable and important
as you, and whom I wish to pay too. That is why, each month, I throw all
the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly. The one
drawn is paid immediately.

I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Sincerely Yours,
Sipho

PS: I regret to inform you that, given the harsh and threatening tone
of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three
draws.

just-s's profile pic

just-s | Elementary School Teacher | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

 oh yeah heres another one!! actuallty i havwe a few but will share some other time!!!!...............:-)
* A Man Goes To See an expert marriage professor.
"Professor, Something Terrible Is Happening And I Have To Talk To You About It." The professor Asked, "What's Wrong?" The Man Replied, "My Wife Is Poisoning Me." The professor, Very Surprised By This, Asks, "How Can That Be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what should I do?"
The professor Then Offers, "Tell You What. Let Me Talk To Her, I'll See What I Can Find Out And I'll Let You Know." The professor Calls after a while And Says, "Well I Spoke To Her For Three Hours. You Want My Advice?"
The Man Said Yes, The professor Replies...
"Take The poison"
* Husband Searching Keywords On Google "How To Tackle Wife?"
Google Search Result...
"still Searching."
just-s's profile pic

just-s | Elementary School Teacher | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

A student at college had failed his final law papers and was obviously not happy. He questioned the professor & decided to make a deal with him. ‘Professor, do you consider yourself to know everything about law?’ ‘Absolutely, otherwise  I would not be capable of standing in front of you & lecturing you on law!’ he replied. The student continued  ‘if you can answer this question, I will agree with you & accept my final marks & if you cannot u have to give me an A’                                                                                                                         

The professor laughed but agreed. The boy continued ‘what Is legal but not logical, logical but not legal & neither legal nor logical?’ …… the professor thought about it & had no answer so he Gve the boy his A!the next day the lecturer decided to ask the question to students, to his surprise all the student hands were up!! He pointed to the young student who answered: “ sir! You are 65,married to a 28-year-old women, this is legal but not logical, your wife, is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal, your wife’s boyfriend has failed his exam & you had given him his ‘A’…….this is neither logical nor legal”!!!!! :-) hope it is good enough....

mjay25's profile pic

mjay25 | Student, Graduate | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

This is really cheesey, but why was six afraid of seven?

Because seven, eight (ate) nine LOL

I always tell it and find it funny. :)

loraaa's profile pic

loraaa | Student | (Level 2) Valedictorian

Posted on

Man 1: My son is not listening to anything I say.
Man 2: Is he so adamnant?
Man 1: No, he is not listening.

,,,, ^_^

We’ve answered 318,915 questions. We can answer yours, too.

Ask a question