Im a catholic woman and my man is born again christian. He wants me to go to church with him but he doesnt want to go with me. Shouldnt it be 50/50?Im a catholic woman and my man is born again...

Im a catholic woman and my man is born again christian. He wants me to go to church with him but he doesnt want to go with me. Shouldnt it be 50/50?

Im a catholic woman and my man is born again christian. He wants me to go to church with him but he doesnt want to go with me. Shouldnt it be 50/50?

Asked on by superman21

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litteacher8's profile pic

litteacher8 | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Honestly, I think that you should both agree to respect one another's religions.  I'd have him explain why he does not want to attend your church, and why he wants you to attend his.  He may want you to meet friends, or something else that could be accomplished another way.  Regardless, if your relationship is going to have any kind of future you are going to have to settle this.

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Lori Steinbach | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I agree with all the above.  It's true that many things can and should be forgiven or overlooked in a relationship; however, there can be very little compromise in the area of faith.  Why? Because the stakes are too high.  I'm not talking about which church to attend or even whether or not to attend church at all; what I'm talking about is much weightier than that--and the consequences are eternal. 

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besure77 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

This is a tough issue because church can be a very passionate topic. I am assuming that you were raised Catholic and it is very close to your heart. If this is the case then I would keep attending your own church. Honestly, this could cause some problems if the two of you do not come to some sort of understanding.

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scarletpimpernel | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

You simply have to decide (preferably before you get married or have children) how important this relationship is to you and how important your faith is.  My mother was raised a strict Catholic (she went to Catholic school, Catholic nursing school, and participated in family mass in addition to the church's), but she married my dad who is/was a born again Christian.  My mom converted to my dad's faith before they were married, but that had more to do with a friend's influence and some "soul-searching" that my mom went through.  Even with my mom and dad's agreement on their faith, there was a great deal of tension with my mom's family when her parents were still alive because of her choice.

This is a serious issue, and right now it might seem like the two of you love each other enough to compromise, but you might find that your beliefs contradict some of your boyfriend's key beliefs and vice versa.  Please be open with your man about this and think about what you really want from a relationship with him and what you are willing or unwilling to budge on.

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clairewait | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I'm a firm believer that while "opposites [may] attract" they don't necessarily stay together forever.  In this, I mean opposite values.  I think no matter what obstacles you face in a relationship, fewer are harder to overcome than differences of opinion in core values.  I think religious beliefs definitely fall into this category.

While it may work for the two of you for a time, if you ever come to the point that you want to get married (if you are not already) or have children, this issue could easily become a deal breaker.  I also agree that it would be better to make the decision now than try to deal with it when more lives could be affected.

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pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

It just depends on what you expect in a relationship.  If you expect that things will be 50-50, that's your opinion, but you should probably realize that if your man is a serious born-again Christian he will see the Catholic Church as in some way misguided and will not want to go.

I guess it comes down to this, for me.  What is right?  Is it right to go in 50-50 with your partner no matter what they do?  Or is it right to stand up for what you believe?

If your man is serious about his faith, he probably has real issues with yours.  In that case, you have to decide if you're going to give in or if you're going to find another man.  If he's not serious (if he has nothing morally against Catholicism), then he should go to church with you.  Otherwise, it's decision time for you, in my opinion.

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frizzyperm | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator

Posted on

Become atheists, that way you'll have no more arguing about whose delusion is better and you might get a chance to be happy in THIS life rather than falling out over the next one.

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diamndbtrfly | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

Im a catholic woman and my man is born again christian. He wants me to go to church with him but he doesnt want to go with me. Shouldnt it be 50/50?

Im a catholic woman and my man is born again christian. He wants me to go to church with him but he doesnt want to go with me. Shouldnt it be 50/50?

A house divided cannot stand. Being unequally yoked will be a very big challenge in a relationship. Relationships are difficult at best.

For true romance and success better to have little conflict and much in common.

Find someone of the same faith or convert.

beefheart's profile pic

beefheart | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 3) Honors

Posted on

Why not both stop going to your original churches, pick a third option and attend that one together?

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