I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my ex has made it clear he isn't going to be there for the baby. Is child support a good idea? But I don't need his money.I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my ex has made it clear...

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my ex has made it clear he isn't going to be there for the baby. Is child support a good idea? But I don't need his money.

I'm 9 weeks pregnant and my ex has made it clear he isn't going to be there for the baby. Is child support a good idea? But I don't need his money.

Expert Answers
pacorz eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I echo the others who suggest that you get some legal counsel. However, I will put in a little dissent as well. You need to take a long, hard, and very realistic look at everything you know about this man and about his family. If you accept child support from him, that necessitates some small amount of ongoing contact between you; at the very least, he will always know where you and your child are. Is that fact likely to come back to harm you or the child in some way in the future? Will your ex suddenly want shared custody or visitation? Will his parents try to involve themselves in their grandchilds upbringing? If these things are at all likely, then that should carry some weight in your decision too, in my opinion. If he's likely to be a poor earner who can only contribute a tiny amount of money, taking it may not be worth having him able to continue to be involved in your life, even in a small way. Talk it over with a lawyer, and don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or minister as well if that will help you clarify your thoughts. Good luck.

stolperia eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Please talk with the variety of resources mentioned previously before making any final decisions. There are so many unknown possibilities involved in bringing a child into the world, you need all the help you can get in evaluating your options. As others have said, you may not need the money at this time, but what if the child has medical needs beyond what you can afford? What if you become unable to continue to support the child because you have health problems? What if your ex should change his mind at some point in the future?

Regardless of the monetary issue, attempt to maintain some contact with the child's father, if only so you can obtain medical information about his family if the child has a genetic condition.

William Delaney eNotes educator| Certified Educator

What you need is some professional legal advice. It probably wouldn't cost you anything to talk to an attorney. Since you refer to the father as your ex, you must have already had some contact with an attorney. Children take a long, long time to grow up, and you might find that you need financial help from your ex at sometime in the future. But the attorney is the proper person to advise you because he has had experiences and many cases are different. There are all sorts of social service agencies available to assist women with the kinds of troubles you are having. If you are only in the 12th grade you must still be pretty young. You need advice from a professional--and the sooner the better.

larrygates eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I heartily agree that you should seek legal advice as soon as possible. The issue goes beyond needing money; it involves responsibiility. You did not conceive the child alone, neither should you be responsible for the expense of raising it. I seriously doubt that you are independently wealthy; and any help from the father would be important.

Aside from that, you should consider the future. What if at some future time you are unable to work? What if the child develops some special need? What about the expense of educating him/her? For all these reasons you should seek legal advice and not make any hasty decisions. A child is a lifetime commitment.

rrteacher eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I agree with Post 4. I would STRONGLY urge you to seek advice from legal counsel, as well as family planning professionals, or other qualified counselors. Seeking child support is an important decision that should not be made until you have fully thought through the costs of raising a child. Believe me, there will be many things you won't even think about. Child care alone is enough to stretch many family budgets. So you need to talk to professionals--legal, family planning, and otherwise.

shake99 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

As a father of four, I certainly believe a man should be financially responsible for his children. Even if you don't "need" his money right now, you might in the future. Even if all you did was save it for the child when he/she gets older. He should definitely take responsibitlity for his child.

Jessica Pope eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I say go for the child support. It's the responsibility of BOTH parents to provide for the material well being of their child. In a perfect world, each parent would also take responsibility for the emotional well being of their child. But you can't make a law for that one.

litteacher8 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Personally, I think he should pay child support even if you don't need the money.  Every time he writes that check, or sees the money taken out of his bank, he will think of you.  Maybe he will eventually want to take part in the child's life.

bambam123 | Student

Yo Shay go for the damn child support ! If he help make the baby, he's GOING to help provide for that child's needs. I dont think a woman should be alone in raising a child. BOTH parents have to contribute.

hadjartahax | Student

I think it will be a good idea about the Child Support. And your ex should-although he is your ex- be there for the baby, because it's also his son. He will be the father and he should support the baby too. I believe he must pay the Child Support. I hope everything will go fine! x

seru | Student

@deeze-nuts are all 7th Day Adventist folk allowed to have computers???

deeze-nuts | Student

@seru. Do all Born-Again Christians judge like you??...hmmmm?


seru | Student

Simple, you stuffed up whore :)

sfg13165 | Student

thanks for all the post and im out of school i graduated in May

taherben | Student

amen sister!

deeze-nuts | Student

Child Support is his responsibility! Whether you need the money or not, your ex should always pay child support.