Steve sees himself as a good person but is confused about his true identity and the bad decisions he's made. Throughout his time in prison, Steve begins to have doubts about his morality and character. Steve is influenced by the comments of his fellow inmates and says, " I want...
to look like a good person. I want to feel like I'm a good person because I believe I am. But being in here with these guys makes it hard to think about yourself as being different" (Myers 67). During his conversations with his attorney, Kathy O'Brien, Steve mentions how he would like to show O'Brien who he really is. He says, "I'm just not a bad person. I know that in my heart I am not a bad person" (Myers 97). Despite his overall positive outlook regarding his conscience, Steve begins to question his identity and choices. After he visits with his mother, Steve lays in his cot and mentions,
"And I knew she felt that I didn't do anything wrong. It was me who wasn't sure. It was me who lay on the cot wondering if I was fooling myself" (Myers 151).
Steve has a difficult time coming to terms with his situation and why he decided to make such costly decisions. The judge, guards, attorneys, jury members, and even his own father see him as a "monster." Steve does not believe that he is a monster, but wonders why so many people view him that way. At the end of the novel, Steve says,
"That is why I take the films of myself. I want to know who I am. I want to know the road to panic that I took. I want to look at myself a thousand times to look for one true image" (Myers 284).
Steve realizes that deep down he is a good person who made a terrible decision. Society has decided that no matter what, he is a criminal and an outcast. Steve struggles to come to terms with how he feels about himself and how society views him. His obsession with creating films is an attempt to analyze himself and bridge the gap between his true identity and society's perception.