How is my thesis? Is it any good? Suggestions? (Fahrenheit 451)Simon and Montag, despite being fearful of what their societies have become, are courageous in the manner of how they both stand up...

How is my thesis? Is it any good? Suggestions? (Fahrenheit 451)

Simon and Montag, despite being fearful of what their societies have become, are courageous in the manner of how they both stand up for their beliefs and try to make a change despite their fears of doing so.

 

***Are there any tips to make my thesis stronger, smoother and overall, better? I feel my vocab is a bit dumbed down, please feel free to make any suggestions.

 

Thanks

 

Asked on by feif888

2 Answers | Add Yours

tinicraw's profile pic

tinicraw | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

A thesis statement needs to be uncluttered of redundant or unneeded words, but also carry with it proper academic word choice. As I was reading what you have, I made changes in my mind that Joshuag10455 also mentioned. For example, he changed "try" to "attempt" and "in the manner of how" to "because". This reduces the number of words but still portrays what you intended to say. Bravo!

Another suggestion might be the following statement:

Despite their fears, Simon and Montag are courageous individuals because they stand up for their beliefs and attempt to make a change . . . . . (in what?)

What do they want to change? Answering the question of what they want to change will lead you to being able to give specific examples of what they actually did change or tried to change.  Teachers want to see that you know the specifics, so your thesis prepares them for what specifics you will actually use to support it.

Good Luck!

joshuag10455's profile pic

joshuag10455 | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

Simon and Montag are courageous individuals because they stand up for their beliefs and attempt to make a change(describe what Simon and Montag are changing and what beliefs they are standing up for) despite the their fears.

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