How does divorce effect..
-the role of a parent and child
-socalizaion of children
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Let me start by saying I've never been divorced; however, as a high school teacher I've seen plenty of it, enough to know how devastating it can be on everyone.
One issue that impacts socialization as well as self-esteem and even time management/academic issues is divided custody. Staying in two homes, leaving a book bag in a car they won't be in for another 4 days, getting a permission slip signed for the right parent for the right custody day, communication in all areas--it's always stressful and sometimes embarrassing to have to make it all work when you're 16 years old and just want to be "normal."
Nothing is worse to watch from the outside than parents using their children as sounding boards for their grievances against each other. It nearly always breaks their hearts at first, but soon it blossoms into disrespect. Older kids, especially, understand that adults should not be doing such things--especially to their kids. What a position to be in, hearing awful things about someone they love. The dynamics of that are complicated and, I suspect, long-lasting.
The worst for me to watch was kids whose parent(s) began pursuing other relationships and left their kids behind, so to speak. Can't tell you how many broken hearts and broken promises I saw. Parents who virtually abdicated one family to assume a new one. "My dad said I can't go to his apartment anymore because he has a girlfriend and he thinks I'd be uncomfortable." Really? You'd rather your kid felt abandoned and unloved than a little uncomfortable? This scenario is about the parent's comfort level and convenience, not the child's.
On a brighter note, I have seen a few things done well by divorced parents. Some will come together to parent/teacher conferences; some will work together on a fundraising effort or class project; some will communicate with me independently but include the other in the e-mail.
It's not much, given the significant negative issues, but it is encouraging when parents put their kids first, as they should.
There can be so many outcomes of divorce and it effects everyone in the family. It really depends on how the divorce is approached. Many times when there is a divorce, parents will try to turn the children against the other parent. This can be very damaging to the children. On the other hand, if parents are civil it can be much less devastating.
Socialization of children can be very tricky. Divorce can teach children that there is a way out of marriage or relationships, so it may effect the loyalty that they have towards other people. Then again, if the divorce was handled correctly, children can be taught otherwise.
After the divorce can also be a very difficult and confusing time. Since the children are only with one parent, there is no longer conflict. This allows the parent to "parent" how they choose without any interference.
Of course, this varies greatly with the exact circumstances of the divorce.
I think that the most usual impact is that the two parents end up somewhat in competition with one another. This really affects their parenting styles as both parents try to be "nicer" to the kid(s) when they have custody. This hurts the parent-child relationship somewhat because it takes away some from the authority of the parent. This is particularly true if one parent says bad things to the child about the other parent.
As far as socialization goes, divorce can socialize the child to be less trusting. It can make the child not really feel secure in the idea that his/her world and the authority figures in it will be stable and long-lasting.
Divorce affects the relationship between parents differently depending on how it is handled. Children often feel guilty after parents divorce. They tend to believe that they were at fault somehow. I regards to parent child, it depends on who has the children. A study done in 2008 concluded that children have a tendency to blame their mothers when their father leaves if they had heard a lot of arguing in the home and the father berating the mother. Ironically things such as a mother working also had an effect on the child blaming the mother.
Overall the parent child relationship often becomes closer between the parent that is raising the child. Boys tend to take on the role of man of the house when a father leaves. Female children tend to become the lady of the house if mom is the absent partner.
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