how do i get my ex to admit how he feels about me?how do i get my ex to admit how he feels about me?

9 Answers | Add Yours

besure77's profile pic

besure77 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

I really do not see why your ex's opinion of you really matters. If you really want to know you can come right out ask but you may not get an honest answer, or the answer you are looking for. My advice to you would be to move on and don't worry about what others think of you.

scarletpimpernel's profile pic

scarletpimpernel | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I agree with the previous posts.  I was engaged to a guy right after college for a while, but we broke up several months later.  I had all sorts of questions--why did he propose only to break up soon afterwards? Did he really mean all of those complimentary things he said to me? Is he just hiding his real feelings for me now because something else is going on in his life?  I never got answers to any of those questions, but they plagued me for several months and were self-torture.  Once I was able to stop dwelling on what he meant, said, thought, etc., life was so much better, and I was able to open my heart to the "right" person.  I know that it's easy to say "move on," but if you can get yourself to the point where you realize that what your ex says, does, or thinks about you does not matter, that is the healthiest and happiest state of mind.  Plus, there is probably nothing you can do to change what he thinks; so you are wasting your emotions, time, and effort.

booksnmore's profile pic

booksnmore | College Teacher | (Level 3) Adjunct Educator

Posted on

When I read your question, the first thing that popped into my mind is, "Why do you care?" I assume the ex is an ex for a reason? Do you care more about figuring this out than he does? If so, maybe it's time to move on. Maybe someone out there cares for you a whole lot more...but you're blind to him because you're still wrapped up in figuring out the ex??? Just food for thought...

maadhav19's profile pic

maadhav19 | College Teacher | (Level 2) Assistant Educator

Posted on

Think of it as a paradox: the only real way to find out, if at all, is to move on. But once you move on, it won't matter quite so much. And either way, you might never find out. No one can make someone do or feel something they don't want to.

herappleness's profile pic

M.P. Ossa | College Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I would first suggest that you ask yourself what difference does it make whether he feels it or not, if he is not willing to act upon it. 

Like, Ok- Let's suppose he's still into you. He tells you so. And then...what? Are you also going to get him to send u flowers, or get back together as a result of what he said?

If what u really want is validation by listening to him admit to something you suspect, it would be much easier to simply ask him straight up by telling him WHY you feel it is important for  you to know. If you do not have an answer for that question, then it is not worth asking. 

Males are very hard to express emotion unless there is a huge motivation behind expressing it. That is why I ask you to evaluate whether he really feels what you think he feels, and what you plan to do with his answer-whatever it might be- once you find out.

One thing I promise you: Wait one more year or whatever months until you get to college, and you will not even remember you wrote this note. (Lots of fish in the sea ;) )

aquabrunette's profile pic

aquabrunette | Student, Grade 9 | (Level 2) eNoter

Posted on

i agree with besure77. who cares what he/she thinks. find someone new to worry about.

educationnet's profile pic

educationnet | College Teacher | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

I agree with the previous posts.  I was engaged to a guy right after college for a while, but we broke up several months later.  I had all sorts of questions--why did he propose only to break up soon afterwards? Did he really mean all of those complimentary things he said to me? Is he just hiding his real feelings for me now because something else is going on in his life?  I never got answers to any of those questions, but they plagued me for several months and were self-torture.  Once I was able to stop dwelling on what he meant, said, thought, etc., life was so much better, and I was able to open my heart to the "right" person.  I know that it's easy to say "move on," but if you can get yourself to the point where you realize that what your ex says, does, or thinks about you does not matter, that is the healthiest and happiest state of mind.  Plus, there is probably nothing you can do to change what he thinks; so you are wasting your emotions, time, and effort.

I agree. In fact, what my ex thinks about me is really none of my business! What matters is what I think about me. And . . . I think about me a lot. lol

Seriously though, I wonder at times how I got so screwed up in my thinking. Intellectually, I know I cannot change another person. Yet, in my most insecure moments, I proceed to do just that!

It all boils down to self-centeredness. I want what I want when I want it, and by God, if I don't get it, there must be something wrong with you for not seeing that I want it and not giving it to me. Self-centeredness is the root of all evil, not the love of money.

Getting out of self is the key for me. It is best for me to shut off my thinker and get involved with helping others . . . like immediately, not tomorrow, like right now.

 

epollock's profile pic

epollock | (Level 3) Valedictorian

Posted on

You have to ask them directly. But, after a relationship is over, it is time to move on and think about your future. You can't be living in the past all the time.

We’ve answered 318,958 questions. We can answer yours, too.

Ask a question