how can you tell if u are in love with someone?i think im in love with a guy, but i cannot be sure; can someone help me???

Expert Answers
ophelious eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I don't want to oversimplify, but if you have to ask, it's probably not love yet.  Love and hate are some of our strongest emotions (and hardest to escape.)  You usually don't have to ask yourself if you hate someone...the knowledge is just there. Love, to me, is similar.  If you really love someone you wouldn't be able to question it.

Am right?  I don't know.  That's the strange thing about love, as the other answerer's have pointed out.  Love means different things to different people (with some very common denominators)

Love is also a very broad term.  Have I loved girls in the past that I knew I wouldn't end up marrying?  Yup.  Then how could I love them, if I knew that my destiny was not entwined with theirs?  Isn't that real love, thinking you were "meant" to be together?  Again, I don't know.  Love is mysterious, and that is part of its beauty's.

I knew love when I was younger as a strong feeling (there are some very clear comparissons made between the chemical reactions of love and the chemical reactions of drug addiction) and a longing. It was almost a need to be around someone (if nothing more.)  It was like an addiction...seriously.  People in love will do some crazy things in its name.

Now that I am older, I think of love differently.  To me now, love is a dedication. It is saying "now that the chemical flood has subsided, and now that I have seen you 'warts and all,' I still want to be with you.  You can trust me."  Though this is not as passionate as the love I felt when I was a young stud (please! As if I was ever) but it is more durable and meaningful.  After all, my wife is still around, and even though I don't think about her 24/7 I wouldn't trade her for anybody.  To me, that's real love....not the movie stuff.  For me, you can't really love someone you've only known for a while.  Of course, that's the middle aged frump in me talking.

Of course, you are still young.


ask996 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Your post doesn’t indicate your age, so it’s hard to tell what information might be pertinent to you but some of these indicators might be helpful

1)Can you be yourself around the person, or do you have to pretend?

2)Are you able to speak your mind about your thoughts and feelings, or do you remain quiet out of fear of rejection?

3)Can you be natural with him, or does the thought of his seeing you without make up make you quiver with fear?

4)Does he make you laugh and feel good about yourself, or does he laugh at you?

5)Picture him right nowall the passion and excitement of a new relationship does this make you feel warm and smile with happiness? Now picture the same guy 40 years from now--possible balding, overweight, he burps and passes gas (and sometimes doesn’t say excuse me). Does this make you shudder and gasp?

Just a few lighthearted things to consider, but understand that many of us at 14, 15, 16, or etc. Are not (nor should we be) the same people we will be at 21, 22, 23, or etc.Good Luck!

readerofbooks eNotes educator| Certified Educator

This is a hard question to answer, since love is deceptive. In the light of this, the best way to know whether someone is in love is first to define love. If  one defines love as care for another person, then ask yourself if you care for that person. Also ask youself this question. Would you care for that person, even if that person responded negatively towards you? If so, you can say that you love that person.

The reason why I say love is deceptive at the beginning of this post is because often times people define love by emotions. Certainly love has this element, but it is much broader. If there are only emotions, then it is probably infatuation.

lynn30k eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Is his happiness more important to you than your own?  Are you not afraid to let him see the real you, without trying to be someone you're not? Those would be good clues that you are on the right track. But being actually in love means, to me at least, that it is a journey rather than a done deal, always. And I have to seriously disagree w/post #3--do not play games to see if they guy loves you. Just be around him, and see if you still want to be around him weeks and months from now. You may not. But if you care for him not just in spite of his flaws, but almost because of them (don't be blind to serious problems, though), you may be on to something.

archteacher eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I hate to quote a movie, but I love the scene in "As Good as it Gets" where Jack Nicholson's character tells Helen Hunt's character, "You make me want to be a better man."  That, to me, sums it up.  If you have a desire to be your best you for your significant other, you might be in love.  Mind you, I said your best YOU.  Not what you think he/she would want, and not a false version of yourself.  If your relationship gives you confidence in who you are while also encouraging you to improve, you're in good shape.

sid-sarfraz | Student

Well love is really an awsome feeling. you will know automatically when you will fall in love with someone. 

When you love someone you imagine your future with him and that's natural. As you would want to spend your whole life, have children with the person you love.

Loving someone is not easy but when in love you won't find it difficult. You would never want to talk to other boys. Need is other thing that is you will communicate with other boys for any reason besides flirt. 

You will find yourself complete with him. you will ignore his bad habits or rude remarks made when he is angry.

You will take care of him as your own family member. His birthdays his events his job, in short your world will revolve around him.

You will find him handsome even if your friend does not take him the same way.

You will be more interested in talking about him then just being sexually involved.

You will want him to think about you the same way as you think about him. If it doesn't happen it will make you cry and keep you awake whole nights. You can give up anything for only him. 

You will need him to be yours but not want it. Need is when you can't live without him and want is when you just want him for any reason like wealth, fame etcetc. 

Hope you understand

missiup1 | Student

I think the Greeks were onto something when they came up with different words for types of love. (Funnilly enough, there are more words in the English language than Greek yet, we have this deficiency in vocabulary surrounding the term "love").

There's "agape" love-modern love.

Eros love-love deeper and more passion-filled than friendship

Philia love-fraternal friendly love

Storge love- like parental adoration of their children

My hat's off to the Greeks with their greater precision on love.

Also to me, love withstands the chemical imbalances of our homones and the test of time. Good luck in reconciling your mind with your heart. Those two organs often speak foreign languages although share an interpreter once enough time is spent in reflection with them.


sfg13165 | Student

i'm not a love doctor, but if you think you are inlove with that special someone, take him around your family and see how he acts around them. If you love him or think you are falling in love tell that person how you feel, and let the words come from your heart, and if that person feels the same, it might be a perfect match. But don't rush into marriage just yet, give it sometime and if your ready for marriage go see a marriage counselor, so your marriage will last for eternity.

krishna-agrawala | Student

All discussions about love suffer from one serious handicap. There is no accepted meaning of love. Different people have their own concept of love. Frequently in the world today, the word love gets automatically linked to the love that may exist between a man and a women, with its variations like platonic love and passionate love.

As per my concept of love, a person is love when a person finds greatest happiness is serving the object of his or her love. A desire to own or enjoy the object of love without a stronger desire is not serve is no different from the desire to have something that you like. So a person can be judge the degree of his love by the extent to which his or her happiness depends on the happiness of the object of love.

johnmiltonwesley | Student



I am a "9/11" survivor who lost his fiancé on flight #77 that crashed into the Pentagon. The great consolation or me upon "getting the call" was my immediate reflection on our love for each other, and particularly her knowledge of my love for her when she became aware that something was going horribly wrong on that otherwise "ordinary day". 

My day began with her about 5:30 a.m. when upon waking I immediately went downstairs to prepare coffee, and breakfast, and to carry her luggage to the car. Later after getting dressed she joined me downstairs, where we held hands, said grace and read (as usual) "The Daily Word", the magazine from UNITY, followed by a portion of the referenced biblical verses. We spoke about how unusual it was for one of us to be traveling alone, however she did not want me to miss my first scheduled meeting on 9/11/01 with HBO producers of "The Wire" whom I was assisting in Baltimore with selecting locations suitable for the series which was to come later. In fact she insisted I not reschedule the meeting because she believed the experience of working with the production would open other doors for me in the future. 

As we finished breakfast she told me where the bills were on her desk in her office, and which ones (which she had already prepared and written checks for) should be mailed the next day, and which ones were to be mailed the following Friday. She reminded me of my "to do" list on the refrigerator, and not to worry about whether she would be safe (she was on her way to participate with one of her 6th grade students (also killed) on a National Geographic oceanographic experience. She was wearing my newest red, black and white silk jogging suit, and jokingly said "I knew you wouldn't mind."  As she prepared to leave we embraced a little longer this time, but kissed passionately a little shorter, for some reason the embrace was much more important that morning than the kiss. She was carrying a short yellow (zip up) London Fog jacket which she hung on the door of the closet before we embraced. ; We the walked outside to her car for her trip to Washington Dulles airport. I opened the door for her, we embraced again, said our "I love yous" she entered and I waited for her to drive off. When I walked back inside I noticed the yellow jacket hanging on the closet door, and rushed out to give it to her, however by then she was too far away to see me. I had no Idea she was gone (on this earthly plane) forever, or that the end of one lifelong lesson about love was ending and another was beginning.

Now eight years later I have found love again, and with what I learned from the experience of having love and losing it, and (after a long wait) finding it again, I offer the following short list of signs to determine whether you are in love with someone:

 1. You enjoy, and feel equal respect for what you have to say when you converse.

2. You change your social behavior to reflect the presence of this person in your life.

3. Your love and fidelity to the person and the relationship is a gift, and is unconditional.

4. You feel a mutual bond between you and him/her. 

5. Thoughts of the person are accompanied with bliss.



kc4u | Student

If you are not sure whether you are in love with the guy, try to distance yourself from him for some days to see what happens to you. If he is out of sight and still very much in your mind, you must be in love. If you are not sure whether he is in love with you, try to flirt/date with another guy to see what happens to your man. If your guy shows no serious distemper, you know for certain that he doesn't bother for you.

The best way to let your guy know that you love him is to send him a sweet message with a cute morning wish. If you are a bit too romantic, you can call him to some lonely moonlit beach to show your heart.