How can i shrink this paragraph to about half?All participants agreed to participate in the experiment by signing a consent form (refer to appendix). However, the participants are not told the aim...

How can i shrink this paragraph to about half?

All participants agreed to participate in the experiment by signing a consent form (refer to appendix). However, the participants are not told the aim of the study in order to avoid demand characteristics but are told that they will be debriefed of the aims, purpose and results of the research after all data is collected. The participants were not physically or mentally harmed in any way, as they just had to estimate a speed.  The video shown did not contain any graphic scenes that may cause the participants to feel uncomfortable.  The participants may have felt slight anxiety or stress as they were not allowed to watch the video again and may have not known what to estimate.

 

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readerofbooks's profile pic

readerofbooks | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

This is a good question, because being succinct is an important quality in our busy world. In order to achieve this, consider a product finished when you cannot take anything else out, not when you cannot add anything else (which people often do). From a more practical point of view, here are some suggestions.

First, take out anything wording or sentence that is redundant.

Second, instead of using clauses, you might want to use a few adjectives instead.

Third, use complex sentences, instead a many simple sentences.

If you follow these three points, you will be able to make your paragraph much less verbose and retain the same meaning.

Here is an example:

"All participants signed a consent form to be in an experiment. However, they were not told about the goal of the study to avoid demand characteristics. They were told that the nature of the experiment would be given to them afterwards..."

Already these sentences are considerably shorter.

Sources:
silven's profile pic

silven | College Teacher | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

I have removed some wordiness.

Delete (However,)

Delete (of the aims, purpose, and results of the research after all data is collected).

Delete (, as they just had to estimate a speed) and insert (and) joining it to the next sentence.

Delete (The participants may have felt) and begin final sentence with (A slight anxiety may be felt...)


silven's profile pic

silven | College Teacher | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

I have removed some wordiness.

Delete (However,)

Delete (of the aims, purpose, and results of the research after all data is collected).

Delete (, as they just had to estimate a speed) and insert (and) joining it to the next sentence.

Delete (The participants may have felt) and begin final sentence with (A slight anxiety may be felt...)


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