How can I rephrase this paragraph? "Desmoiselles d’Avignon” by Picasso provides a very interesting window into the political, artistic, social climate and events of the early 1900s. This...

How can I rephrase this paragraph? 

"Desmoiselles d’Avignon” by Picasso provides a very interesting window into the political, artistic, social climate and events of the early 1900s. This context includes Picasso’s life and  ideas but also and importantly the ideas of his day. Although those ideas have changed with time, this work is now considered a masterpiece and the way we use it and view it today still can tell us fascinating things about the values, ideas in art and culture regarding our current times….” 

Asked on by golnazzz

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Overall, I would say that the paragraph is strong.  There might be some small adjustments I would make, but the general focus of it is fairly strong.  Instead of "a very interesting window," I might simply say that "provides a window."  The paper will presumably bring out the interest element, so mentioning it here might not be entirely needed. In the second sentence, I would suggest that "This context includes aspects of Picasso's life," in that some element of Picasso's life is revealed, as opposed to his entire state of being.  As opposed to "ideas of his day," I would say something like "ideas in his artistic context."  "Of his day" sounds a bit cliched and greater specificity might be needed.  I would separate the last sentence into two sentences because I think that there is much there.  The first part of it might be, "While these ideas might have changed, the work is sill viewed as a masterpiece."  The second one could be, "The way in which it is viewed today can reveal compelling elements about the values and ideas in both art culture then and now."  Some slight wording issues would be where I would change some elements, but the basic focus of it is strong enough.

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