hi, i have been in true love with my instructor for 3 years. I cant tell him directly.what should i do indirectly for him to feel my emotion? i want to share this nice feeling with him. i just...

hi, i have been in true love with my instructor for 3 years. I cant tell him directly.what should i do indirectly for him to feel my emotion? 

i want to share this nice feeling with him. i just want him to feel me and my true love.

10 Answers

brettd's profile pic

brettd | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Well, you're a college junior, which means you are an adult, and so is your instructor.  But you risk putting them in a very awkward position if you reveal your feelings while you are still their student.  It is very unethical for an instructor to date someone they are expected to evaluate and, while it still happens, tends to end badly.  Wait until you are no longer in college or no longer in a position to take classes from that person (even better from anyone in your instructor's department).  If it's really true love, it'll wait that long.

dano7744's profile pic

dano7744 | College Teacher | (Level 2) Educator

Posted on

Be careful here, you are walking on a slippery slope. It is not uncommon for a student to have a crush on a teacher. Realize that he is trying to do a job and contact between student and teacher is forbidden. You are likely to get yourself into trouble with your school, not to mention getting him into trouble with his boss.

If you still have these feelings for him after you are no longer a student of his then you might cautiously drop a hint or two. Be forewarned though that most teachers at some point have had this happen to them and he might hurt your feelings when he very bluntly informs you that you are out of line. You have to understand the viewpoint of the teacher, they want to keep their job.

lfawley's profile pic

lfawley | College Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

Posted on

I am going to agree with the prior posters that you should do NOTHING about your feelings while you are still a student. This type of "crush" is something that happens in college as we begin to meet people who share our loves academically and professionally; however, to do anything about your feelings while you are a student can be harmful to both you and the professor. I would, especially of you care about this man, leave well enough alone. Respect what he can teach you, but be professional about it.


That said, there is nothing wrong with staying in contact with or renewing contact with your professors after you graduate. At this time, if there is something there, then maybe you can see what develops. If not, you have a new friend and COLLEAGUE. I have developed many new relationships (on a colleague and friend level) with my former professors. Now that I am an educator as well and a theatre artist, we relate on a much different level. We are no longer in a teacher student role; instead, we are on the same level. They are still my mentors, but mentors as equals with more experience in the field.

From personal experience, my father met my mother when he was her English professor in college. He went on to teach English, they stayed in contact, their relationship evolved from teacher student, to colleagues, to friends, to husband and wife. However, even though my father had graduated, they still had to get the permission of the university since he had been her student. This was to maintain that there was never a question of conflict of interest. From what I understand, this was not easy. I am glad that they did it, but I would still advise that you consider all of the possible outcomes!

ako6777's profile pic

ako6777 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

Posted on

I would recommend that you keep your feelings to yourself. It is a difficult thing to do, but expressing your feelings would not be a good thing.  Even if your teacher reciprocated the feelings, it would be unethical for him to have a relationship with you.  A teacher-student relationship should be professional and not personal.  A relationship could cause significant scandal and the repercussions for the school could be hugh.  You could possibly cause the school to terminate your teacher's employment. 

It would be best to resolve yourself to leaving him alone and finding someone else to have a relationship with.

besure77's profile pic

besure77 | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

Definitely, listen to the previous responder. Your instructors responsibility is to instruct you and your responsibility is to learn. That is it, nothing more. A relationship between you and your instructor would be very inappropriate to say the least. In addition, just telling your instructor how you feel could most definitely harm the instructor/student relationship that you currently have.

It can be very easy for a person to develop feelings towards someone that they have a lot of respect for. It is also very common for college students to have "feelings" for their instructors. This will pass.

beefheart's profile pic

beefheart | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 3) Honors

Posted on

What the hell, just tell him. Throw yourself at him. Just openly and genuinely tell him how you feel.

All Hollywood movies confirm this path (and let's face it, that's where most of us get our value system from, we're only American, after all)

True Love Conquers All. That is what America truly truly believes.


wine-seller's profile pic

wine-seller | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) Honors

Posted on

hi, thank you very much for your help. you know next month i will finish my collegue.i would not see him anymore. by the way this semester was the last one that i had lesson with him. i doubt if he has the same feeling because when he look at me i see something in his eyes maybe he want to tell me. but im not sure totaly

kc4u's profile pic

kc4u | College Teacher | (Level 3) Valedictorian

Posted on

It's a very personal question and you must look into yourself before taking anybody's advice/suggestion. You say that you are in 'true love' with your instructor. How do you know that your love is 'true'? How do you know that it is 'love', not infatuation or an adolescent obsession? I would request to verify it cautiously. If your Instructor is much senior to you in age, think well before you publish your mind. If your Instructor is married, you should better remain unpublished.

You say that you love him for three years. How could you love someone 'truly' for quite a long time without disclosing your affection in this or that way? How could your Instructor too remain so emotionally uninformed if you are in 'true love'? This is time for you to look deeper into the domain of love.

frizzyperm's profile pic

frizzyperm | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator

Posted on

Leave him alone. He's at work and you are his responsibility, not his potential partner. Any relationship between you and him is inappropiate and 99.99% likely to end unhappily and possibly disastrously for both you and him. 

If, when you have finished your studies, you still wish to tell him how you feel, then do so. But not while you are his student. (and if he's married with children, NEVER tell him and find yourself another person to love.)