For an essay answering the question, "Whose influence was more powerful over Macbeth's decision to kill King Duncan- the witches or Lady Macbeth?" is this a good intro?:
The powerful influence of Lady Macbeth (title)
Macbeth’s journey as the tragic hero begins when he receives three prophecies that struck him with new ideas for the worse. Influenced by both the witches and Lady Macbeth in the regicide of King Duncan. It becomes clear that Lady Macbeth has a stronger influence on Macbeth. She applies the witches ideas that prompts her interest in controlling her husband's actions in desire for power.
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I like what you have written so far. You asked if you have to change a lot. No, you don't have to change a lot, but there are some changes that are necessary.
It's clear to me (the reader) what you want to say. It can be cleaned up a bit and reordered to really drive your point home.
The first thing that needs to be changed is this line:
Influenced by both the witches and Lady Macbeth in the regicide of King Duncan.
It's not a complete sentence. It's mainly a string of prepositional phrases. There is no identifiable person in the text who has been influenced by the witches and Lady Macbeth. You could scrap the entire thing and start over, or add a few bits to it.
Macbeth was influenced by both the witches and Lady Macbeth in the regicide of King Duncan.
Macbeth, influenced by both the witches and Lady Macbeth in the regicide of King Duncan, is most at fault for the murderous plot.
The following is your thesis statement:
It becomes clear that Lady Macbeth has a stronger influence on Macbeth.
Because that is your thesis statement, you need to work on getting it to be the final sentence of the first paragraph. You can talk about Lady Macbeth's influence earlier in the paragraph. You need to also bring up the witches' influence as well. Then end the paragraph with your decision that despite both parties being at fault, Lady Macbeth deserves most of the blame. I like thesis statements that use the word "although," because they always set up a compare and contrast.
Although both Lady Macbeth and the witches impacted Macbeth's decision to kill Duncan, Lady Macbeth has a much greater influence on Macbeth's decision.
thank you so much, this really helped clean up my essay!
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