I have an essay due tomorrow and I gave it to some people to edit.They keep telling me that its loaded with runons.I can't find them though.Help please                 The alarm clock...

I have an essay due tomorrow and I gave it to some people to edit.They keep telling me that its loaded with runons.I can't find them though.Help please

                 The alarm clock rings,blearily I open my eyes and turn it off.The clock reads 8.00."Why am I up so early in the summer?"I ask myself.Suddenly-I remember, it is my first day of work today.Showering and eating quickly,I am able to arrive at work a few minutes early.Having worked there two years previously,I was anticipating a pretty basic routine of shredding and secretarial work.Much to my dismay though,I was handed a Jewish,Flatbush phonebook.

My job was to go through the numbers and ask if there were any job openings.Enclosed within the boardroom,the walls and complete silence made me feel entrapped.Armed with my phone and phonebook,I painstakingly begin to call every single number listed.Prior to the first call I was rather nervous.As such,I was relieved when the call went to voicemail.I carefully recited my pre-rehearsed speech,making sure to play the message again afterwards for conformation.That was not too bad I thought.However, as the numbers began to pile up,I realized that most responses were the same “Sorry,but we are not looking to hire at this time.”I was told to leave the information,but I knew that they were never going to call back.

When the first person said yes,we do have a job available,I was shocked.I hurriedly wrote down the details, and gave myself a pat on the back.I slowly worked my way through all the numbers, every once in a while peeking at how many pages are left.Every voice sounded the same.

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billdelaney's profile pic

William Delaney | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Your essay sounds interesting and should please your instructor. There are some problems with it, but I don't see many run-on sentences. (Don't use the term "runons." There is no such word and it puzzles your reader.)

For one thing, you must put a space after every period. Use the space bar if you are typing. You should also put a space after a comma.

Your first sentence might be called run on. You should use a period after "rings" and start a new sentence with "Blearily."

Most people won't know what a Jewish Flatbush phonebook is unless they live in New York. You should explain this.

You should tell what kind of company you are working for and why they want the information you are solicitiing.

"Entrapped" is wrong. It should be simply "trapped."

You should explain what the "boardroom" looks like. Are you alone?

In the last paragraph, you should use quotation marks when you have a direct quote. The sentence should look like this:

When the first person said, "Yes, we do have a job available," I was shocked.

I don't understand why you break off with "Every voice sounded the same." You must have been talking to men and women. You should explain why every voice sounded the same to you. Was it because the boredom of the routine was getting to you. What was the "sound" of every voice like? I would like to share your experience.

I wish I had time for more comments. Maybe other educators will have other suggestions, but your deadline creates a big problem. Your essay should get you a passing grade. It would look a lot better if you would leave a space after every period and comma.

 

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