Is this a good introduction paragraph?
I previously posted a question. I fixed my intro. paragraph. Can someone tell me how it is? or and improvements please.
Pearl Buck, once said, “If you want to understand today, you have to search yesterday.” Well, Pearl Buck is one intelligent individual because what he said actually makes sense. History is simply an important part of life. Studying history allows ndividuals to have a connection between people of various backgrounds and regions in their country, it’s a part of our identity as a society, and it offers us an opportunity to examine our mistakes from the past and learn from them.
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Hey, I like what you found in terms of an attention grabber or hook. This completely grabbed my attention and made me wonder what the paper would be about.
I would encourage at this point that you combine the next two sentences eliminating the conversational "well" and getting a little more direct.
For example, I would write: "This intelligent piece of advice makes perfect sense because history is simply an important part of life."
You might also consider in that thesis statement being a little bit more parallel in your 3 body paragraph ideas... just to make it shine. What I mean by that is go ahead and start with, "Studying history allows individuals to..." but then make your list parallel. In English when we say parallel we mean make sure all items in your list have a similar grammatical format. In your case I would recommend each part of the list start with a verb in its base form. For example, "have .... , experience their identity...., and examine and learn from ...."
If you want to send me a message, I will happily check over a finalized intro paragraph for you.
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