The following paragraph is quite sketchy. Provide additional support for the topic sentence, and revise the whole paragraph.Newspapers are great. Many people think newspapers contain only dreary...

The following paragraph is quite sketchy. Provide additional support for the topic sentence, and revise the whole paragraph.

Newspapers are great. Many people think newspapers contain only dreary news. They have news that is surprisingly interesting. There might be one about your hometown. There are features on unusual people or events. Some of them are truly fascinating. There are regular fun features.

Asked on by lexibell81

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

In any type of topic sentence, you probably want to stay away from those words that involve excessive opinion that cannot really be substantiated in detail. I would rework the topic sentence here to read, "Newspapers are valuable sources of information."  It's a bit more clinical and not as emotional as "Newspapers are great," but it is also geared towards a point that can be supported throughout the paragraph.  In terms of the support featured in the paragraph, I think that the basic idea is fairly good, but might need to be refined a bit.  The second sentence could use a bit of refining along with combining it with the third sentence.  I like, "While some of the news can be seen as dour, there are news items that are designed in increase reader interest."  I would move away from the personalized, "Your" in the next sentence and pivot towards, "Some of the news is locally driven."  The "fascinating" sentence is not really needed, as you have already addressed interest of the reader.  The "fun" sentence needs work.  If you are going to "go there," I think you need to expand this more, if not drop it entirely because "fun" is too difficult to prove.  You might spend more time explaining this than everything else.

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