I have two concerns. One is that it seems a poor idea to post a whole essay on an unsecure public discussion board such as this. For that reason and since you have several good comments, I'm going to exercise some administrative authority and remove most of it.
The second is that I think you probably don't mean what you write in this line:
The shrewd nature of society allows us to explore our qualities that contribute to our identity.
The basic definition of shrewd refers to someone being astute and having keen powers of judgment. It escapes me how a shrewd--keenly evaluating--society can "allow" exploration of "qualities" and "identities." Generally shrewdness in an individual, more so in a collection of individuals, forces the suppression, to one degree or another, of "qualities" and "identities."
I'd suggest you reevaluate what you actually mean to say and determine a more effective word choice for saying it. For instance, do you actually mean to say that something about the nature of a particularly accepting society--one that sees the individual as the pinnacle of human expression--is nurturing and helps foster the development of the full expression of individual identity?