Can anyone please make this extended metaphor better and edit it? My Father is a lion. He is the leader of the pack and always tries to keep his lions together in the animal kingdom.  A fast,...

Can anyone please make this extended metaphor better and edit it?

My Father is a lion. He is the leader of the pack and always tries to keep his lions together in the animal kingdom.  A fast, happy, adventurous man, that never gives up until he gets what he wants and becomes satisfied. Like a true animal in the wild, my father loves to roam the outdoors. He knows the train so well; in fact, he truly is the king of the jungle. His strong attributes help him keep on inspiring, amazing, and affecting everyone and everything he encounters. His ambition to keep chasing down his dreams and his hunger to make everyone successful never ends; he always seems to be successful every time he chases one of them. Always standing strong when he roars, his roar is always heard loud and clear and never has anyone misunderstood or forgotten his loudest roars. When everyone is sleeping, he walks around them one by one seeing if any are in danger. He will always hunt the truth down and keep on protecting his fellow lions in the animal kingdom; he is the real king of the jungle.    

Asked on by cr9sports

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boomer-sooner | College Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

Posted on

My Father is a lion. He is the leader of the pack.  He keeps the pride together.  He rules the Kingdom.  He is fast, happy and adventurous man. He never gives up until he gets what he wants and his appetite is sated. Like a true king in the wild, my father loves to roam the outdoors. His strong attributes inspire others to be amazing.  His strength affects everyone he encounters. His ambition to  chase down his dreams and his hunger to make everyone successful never ends.  He is always successful, always standing strong when he roars and his roar is always heard.  It is loud.  It is clear.  No one misunderstands when he roars. When everyone is sleeping, he prowls around his pride sensing for danger. He will always hunt the truth.  He will always protect his fellow lions in the animal kingdom.  He is the king of the jungle.

     I suggest using short, clipped sentences which denote aggression.  This will help promote the theme of the lion.  Keep out modifying words such as "seems to".  Instead be confident about what you are saying, like a lion would be.  Overall, good job.

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