Thank you, Najm, for your kind words.
What you say about egos couldn't be more accurate.
I'd like to add a brief comment to your wise description of this further cause of disruption. People who are planning to get married and cannot escape their egos have, with exceptions, been raised in the bosom of a family and under the care of two other people who, in turn, got married.
Character and personality result from both nature and nurture. It would seem that much parental work is needed so that the child grows into an adult ready to accept and understand that marriage is about sharing, sincerity, and trust.
I have observed that young people tend to either imitate their parents' marital life or to behave in exactly the opposite way. There must be something to which we parents are not paying due attention. Perhaps closer introspection of our own relationships and more involvement with our children's values might yield more satisfactory and happier marriages.
It strikes my attention that no one has mentioned that, since divorce is legal, some people marry many times. At every new wedding they repeat the same vows and make the same commitment to their partner as they have made to the one/s before. This casts serious doubts on the strength of the bonds marriage is supposed to create.
I have nothing against divorce. It is the only civilized solution to an unhappy marriage. Still, I believe that if people considered marriage more conscientiously before becoming man and wife, there would be fewer divorces.
I've been married to an only partner for thirty-eight years. What kept us together were not certificates, rituals, or a sense of duty. Both of us continued to choose each other despite "temptations" along the way. We learned tolerance, understanding, responsibility, and patience. Marriage is not a bed of roses, particularly after the first few years. The partners need to rekindle their love just as one tends to a garden so that the plants will not wither.
Then I do believe in marriage as long as those involved enter it with their eyes wide open and well aware that what they sign and promise implies much more than words. If someone entertains even a slight misgiving about her/his future life with a wife/husband-to-be, she/he will be better off remaining single.
Many men and women get married to people they expect to change. Well, we cannot change others. Changes are engineered from within, not from the outside. So, again, I believe in marriage when the partners accept and love each other as they are. The powerful industry built around marriage, ranging from wedding-planners to fashion designers, tends to blur the true meaning of the years to come. You will be safe and happily married if you can picture yourself in the far future still enjoying each other's company.
Having parents who have taken marriage vows and remained married clearly produces a positive influence upon children. For, they understand that their parents have made a commitment to each other that they consider holy and permanent. There must be responsible relationships in people's lives. This is not to say that people who are not married are not equally committed; it is just that there is tangible proof that there is commitment with a marriage ceremony and certificate. Such proofs mean things to children and others, as well.
I believe in marriage. I believe couples should commit one to the other. I still consider marriage as sacred. It is still Holy Matrimony in my opinion. I believe marriage is more than an old fashion. When two people commit one to the other, there is a joining together that truly makes the couple as one. Today, it is still beautiful to see a couple who is in love unite in wedlock. Vows are important. Vows are sacred and Holy. Vows are meant to be kept.
I do believe that there is great value in a marriage that is sanctioned by society and/or religion.
I realize that a lot of people see the formality as unnecessary, and I'm guess I'm being something of a pessimist here, but I believe that for two people to make a go at something so difficult it takes more than just their own commitment. The ceremony and public avowal do something that helps people do a better job of sticking with somebody. I think.
I have been married for 11 years. We have been together for 16. I agree that the ceremony does not change anything in terms of feeling, but is a clear sign of commitment. Plus, we still both agree that our reception was the best party we've ever been to: our choice of guests, food, music, etc!
I have to agree with the above postings. I do believe in marriage. I believe that it joins people for, hopefully, life. Not only is marriage a promise between two people, the "contract" shows a public commitment.
It is also a legal contract, and one which binds people together in very important ways. This is actually an important part of the commitment. But ultimately, yes, I think it is a formality, and that today's relationships, at least in our society, are pretty solid and lasting before the ceremony takes place. A marriage is a ceremonial, legal, and official version of a commitment that should have already taken place by the time it is concluded.
Both. I think it is just a formality and that (for example) my wife and I were just as committed to one another the day before we got married as we were the next day. But there is something to be said for making public ommitments in formal ways. I think we humans need ceremonies to some extent to help make things seem more real to us.
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