Divorce can be a positive thing for the children in the home because the fighting and arguing is likely to stop. Usually, we think of divorce having negative effects on children. Many children blame themselves for the break-up of the family. Many children are truly emotionally distraught by divorce. We tend to see our parents as constant figures in our lives. They are our parents and not really individual people. When a divorce occurs, it shatters that illusion. We are forced to see our family as a fragile thing rather than a constant, consistent point in our lives. I know that even adult children are deeply affected by a parent's divorce.
Marriage is more than just a legal agreement. It is central to our way of life. Look at how kids react to divorce. Even when they know they will still see both parents, the idea that their parents do not love each other any more is devastating to a child. Without realizing it, kids automatically buy into the idea that two people should commit to each other on a permanent basis. When they see their parents fail to follow through with this commitment, it destroys at least some aspect of their belief in the "rightness" and viability of committed love. It's a feeling that is similar to losing a loved one--you know that something has been lost that can never be recovered. But kids would never be able to put it in those words.
I'm not saying divorce by parents is never justified, just that it is almost always a shattering experience for children.
Speaking from experience, my husband and I divorced after twenty-five years of marriage. The positive effects were that the fighting stopped. Our children did not have to witness the constant arguing. Our children were freed from the emotional pain that comes from watching parents fight and criticize one another.
The negative effects of divorce had to do with an end to family traditions. Thanksgiving and Christmas have never been the same. The children now feel an obligation to spend time with both parents on holidays. This can be difficult and stressful.
It's positive if the family situation is totally miserable. At least then they don't have to watch their parents fight. But generally it's not all that good. It often forces the teens to have to pick one side or the other or it forces them to hear one parent talking bad about the other. It's just not a great situation.
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