can someone help me correct my mistakes in this essay? Clara Rodriguez
Cuba schools vs USA schools
(1) Do you know what the major differences between Cuban and U.S. schools? The school varies greatly from society to society and from country to country. This is so because each region sets its own education system and organizes the functioning of their own educational institutions according to their needs or interests.Cuba and the United States are countries with large differences in language, political system and a vast difference in economy. Cuba and the United States have great differences in the educational system.
(2) One difference is the cost. Students can study university careers and enter college according to their academic performance, without paying anything for the race or classes to take. In fact, the Cuban government gives the student in all years of study: books, notebooks, and pencil and school supplies, all free. The books are distributed to the course start and end of students returned course for students who are going to take that class. If a student breaks the book he repair it for delivery in good condition. Furthermore, Cuba have free educational programs for older people who can attend college. In Cuba there are no private or individual schools, all schools are government. Unlike Cuba university studies and careers in United States has a high cost. Utensils school students have to buy it at a high cost in schools and sometimes find a lower price on the internet but used. There are also private individual and for people who have a good economic stability schools, that means that there are differences in society because these studies typically cost more for being in a private school. In United States there are also educational programs can be free for people who are eligible but also carries its expenses.
(3) Another big difference between Cuban and American schools is technology. In Cuba the technology is not very advanced. Every school has a classroom of computers where students have a schedule to go or when the professor program a class on the computer. The computers in does not have the most modern and fast software. Cuban students does not have a good network of internet because internet is limited and students cannot access many Internet sites because it have many barriers. For example when students have to do a research project, they have to seek information through books or use the programs installed on computers that it have been approved by the Cuban educational system.Totally different in American schools where technology is more advanced and the internet is not limited and the students can freely open several Internet sites at once and find information on any topic without barriers and impediments government. Moreover everything is run by computers, you can register for class and take online courses without having to attend a classroom. I must also recognize that United States is a capitalist country and well developed compared to Cuba is a country that gradually through the years to come forward but is among the underdeveloped countries.
(4) Other big difference is the use of uniforms. In Cuba beginning in elementary school all uniforms used to distinguish the grade level and the cost is very low. In elementary schools the uniform is the same until the sixth grade that is the last grade that attends elementary school. The uniform is the color of the Cuban flag. The boys wear red pants, a white shirt and a scarf according to the degree or blue or red. The girls wear a red skirt and a white blouse scarf. The scarves are starting to use since first grade. In preschool scarf not used. In the first grade, the school organized a beautiful act in the theater school where the parents put the blue scarf to children, that means studio began that year is. The other change is made to pass scarf for fourth grade is a red scarf and so is also distingue that this year each student enrolled. After passing to high school the uniform change. The boys wear yellow pants and white shirt and females as the same color. The other color of uniforms is when the students pass the ninth grade as a technical career: electrician, builder or mechanic. The other uniform that change is for art schools. It is made according to which it belongs by the school and the color that characterize the school. This means that in Cuba when you see any student in uniform know what grade or school is studying this student. Just as there are rules with accessories bearing the Student since it cannot be much highlighted and must combiner with uniform colors. Unlike United States, the children do not wear uniforms, only some schools require uniforms but they are few, everyone wears ragged clothes and you want to put, you cannot know what grade are enrolled because no identifying uniform to school . In schools that wear uniforms parents should buy them at a high cost and can use the accessory that they want and the colors that like each student. It's a big difference and I think it is cheaper and nice dress uniform and equal.
(5) In conclusion, these two countries despite having large differences in their educational system. Schools and educative system as cost, technology and uniforms go beyond a limit to another in these countries. Some differences are positive and some not but still I think there is much advantage in these differences. As the development of these two countries are vastly different significantly. I hope someday the negative differences are overcome and there is a big change in these exposed points.
First of all, your basic organization is quite good. The introductory paragraph needs some fixing and the body paragraphs need revision, which is mostly because this is obviously written in a second language. ( All but paragraph 4 are "corrected" for you)
INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPH (1)
The question that you have used for a motivator may be improved with something like this for your "motivator" or "hook":
Because the government of Cuba and the United States are so markedly different, there are several differences in the educational system such as the cost of education and books for an individual, the access to technology, and uniformity. [Put your thesis at the last sentence of the introductory paragraph]
(2) Educational expenses in the two countries are radically different. In Cuba, students can enter colleges and universities according to their academic performances without any cost to them. There is no tuition, no costs for books, or supplies. Books are distributed at the beginning of classes, and returned at the end for the next students who are going to take that class. If a student destroys a book he must repair it and return it in good condition. Furthermore, Cuba have free educational programs for older people who can attend college. These programs are all supported by the government since in Cuba there are no private or individual schools. However, in the United States university studies have a high cost, despite some schools being state supported. There are some scholarships and grants, but people must qualify for them and meet certain limitations. Also, students have to purchase books; sometimes they are at a high cost, although at other times they can find a lower price on the internet for used. Still, they must purchase other supplies.
(3) Another marked difference between Cuban and American schools is in the area of technology. In Cuba, for instance, the technology is not very advanced. Every school has only one classroom of computers where students have a schedule to go or when the professor programs a class on the computer. These computers do not have the most modern or advanced software, either. Because Cuba is not a free society as it is in America, the access to the internet is limited and, so, students cannot access many sites. Therefore, when students are assigned a research project, they have to seek information through books or use the programs installed on computers that have been approved by the Cuban educational system. These conditions in Cuba do not exists in American schools where technology is more advanced and the internet is not limited and the students can freely open several Internet sites at once and find information on any topic without government censure. Moreover, because the technology is more prolific as schools are supported by tuitions, computers are much more available and used for a number of things such as registrations for courses, and for such things as taking online courses without having to attend a classroom. Because the United States is a capitalist country that is well-developed compared to Cuba that is only gradually advancing from being an underdeveloped country, there are massive differences in the areas of technology in universities.
(4) This paragraph needs much revision. You can write about uniforms, but it would be better if you discussed uniformity as a concept. That is, not only the wearing of uniforms, but the other things that are done in the same way--the regimentation demanded by the government regarding other things in education. For example, are there requirements of courses that all students must take?
So, rewrite this last paragraph of the body of the essay (4), discussing one or two more things other than the wearing of uniforms (shorten this part) must conform to governmental rules
(5)[Avoid the use of "in conclusion"]
Because the governments of Cuba and the United States are so markedly different, there are several differences in the educational system such as the cost of education and books for an individual, the access to technology. Some differences are positive and some not but there are advantages on each side. Perhaps, with the development of Cuba and improvements in the United States these differences will lessen.