Can you edit my essay introduction, added below, please?  When I finished reading the novel, I was bolted from the blue because the way Amelia was dejected by Lymon.  As a lover Lymon took the...

Can you edit my essay introduction, added below, please?  

When I finished reading the novel, I was bolted from the blue because the way Amelia was dejected by Lymon.  As a lover Lymon took the steps towards her on behalf of Marvin but these characteristics of Lymon broke Amelia. Lymon deceived Amelia as Amelia did with Marvin. On the other hand, those three of them did not care each other’s feelings. This relationship ruined the faith and trust of each other and ambience of the society became solitary, melancholic, and grotesque. I believe that to make the reaction between lover and beloved is offence, humiliation, and generosity is main tool; I can draw the “portrait” from the action of characters that I learned from their demeanour.

Asked on by kiran76

2 Answers | Add Yours

kplhardison's profile pic

Karen P.L. Hardison | College Teacher | eNotes Employee

Posted on

You have several switched around words or phrases that are almost right but not quite there. The first relates to the idiom that you write as "bolted from the blue." The idiom is actually, "a bolt out of the blue." This idiom alludes to lighning, an electrical bolt from the blue heaven. It suggests the figurative meaning of receiving a great shock. Idioms are difficult for everyone because their meanings are not literal, they are figurative, and based upon a cultural understanding as to meaning. The result is that anyone from another culture, or not yet well versed in the idioms of their own culture, are prone to misuse or misunderstand them. The correct wording of your statement is: "I was hit with a bolt out of the blue because ...." 

The next phrase confuses two words that rhyme. You write, "Amelia was dejected by Lymon." What you actually must mean is "rejected by Lymon." "Dejected" means to be disheartened or depressed, whereas "rejected" means to refuse to accept; to rebuff. While you have written that Amelia was depressed and disheartened by Lymon, I suspect you mean Amelia was refused and rebuffed by Lymon, which would give you a shock like a bolt out of the blue.

Your next sentence has some significant difficulties. I'm not certain I can decipher your meaning: "As a lover Lymon took the steps towards her on behalf of Marvin but these characteristics of Lymon broke Amelia." Apparently, Lymon was only showing affection toward Amelia at the prompting of Marvin, who, for some unstated reason, had an interest in Amelia thinking Lymon was fond of her. However, Marvin's and Lymon's scheme backfired because (1) Lymon rejected her and (2) the fact that Lymon would act this way shattered Amelia's confidence and happiness. If this is the meaning you intend to express, then you might rewrite the sentence this way: "Lymon acted as a lover to Amelia at the prompting of Marvin, who had some interest in Amelia's happiness, but learning of Lymon's emotional fraud broke Amelia emotionally."

Since this answer format does not allow for a word-by-word or even a line-by-line analysis of your Introduction, I recommend you go through it word by word yourself with a good dictionary handy, like Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary or Longman's Dictionary of Contemporary English, and check for the correct meaning and usage of each word. This will take you a long way toward identifying further confusions of words and phrases.

Sources:
dalcinaye's profile pic

dalcinaye | High School Teacher | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

Ok, kiran76:  Edit includes grammar and questions to help you with expansion or removal.

When I finished reading _______________________, I was bolted from the blue because of the way Amelia was dejected by Lymon.  (I am unsure what you are trying to share in sentence #2; What steps did Lymon take toward her on behalf of Amelia?  Steps/actions or characteristics?)  Lymon deceived Amelia as she had deceived Marvin.  These three characters demonstrated self-absorbed intentions toward one another that would eventually destroy the hope that their potential loves may have wrought.  In some way, each of these relationships ruined the faith and trust these characters would need to offer in a truly loving relationship.  With the dissolution of each one-sided relationship, the deceived character felt humiliated.  He/she became solitary and melancholic, thereby, reverting to his/her own former, myopic and even grotesque demeanor.  (I am gathering that the driving question for this essay has something to do with a "portrait" but am unsure the purpose of the essay.  Is this expository, persuasive, opinion/feeling driven?)

We’ve answered 318,916 questions. We can answer yours, too.

Ask a question