Witchcraft is the talk of the town in salem and there are many reasons why so many people were hung, as well as there are many people to blame. in arthur miller's play the crucible, there was a sickness that ran through salem. many people were put to trial for witchcraft in salem, some of them confessed and some of them didn't, leading to their execution. there are many reasons why the events in salem occur and Miller constantly brings to the reader's attention that the flaws that his character, Reverend   Hale, possesses; His ignorance, stubbornness, and self righteousness makes him the most responsible for the progressive  monstrosity that was the Salem witch trials.

I will comment on your first paragraph only. The whole essay needs several revisions, with attention to different things in each draft. I think to begin with you should make a clean copy with all the grammatical and orthographical oversights corrected. Salem needs to be capitalized. Arthur Miller's name needs to be capitalized. The Crucible always needs to be italicized. I think witch trials should be capitalized. 

You should get rid of many of your connectives, particularly the word "and." For example, you should change the first sentence to read:

Witchcraft is the talk of the town in Salem, Massachusetts in the year ____. There are many reasons why so many people were hanged, as well as why many people were to blame for these atrocities.

"Talk of the town" is a bad choice of words. It sounds like innocent gossip about current events. The front pages of the New Yorker are full of tidbits under the heading Talk of the Town. I would say something like "Witchcraft is a mania in Salem, Massachusetts..." I think "hanged" is the proper word rather than "hung."

Your whole essay would improve if you would use shorter sentences and stop tying two sentences together with "ands" or "buts." And it would look much better if you paid particular attention to such things as capitalization and punctuation. I know for certain that term papers will on average receive somewhat better grades just on appearance alone. That is why I think you should do one draft in which you focus on how the paper looks to the reader and worry about what it says in the next draft. 

The last sentence in your first paragraph is anathema to English teachers. It is a run-on sentence. Many students are guilty of creating these things. I was guilty of it myself when I was a freshman in college. I think I was trying to sound older, wiser, and a more accomplished writer than I really was. Here is your sentence:

there are many reasons why the events in salem occur and Miller constantly brings to the reader's attention that the flaws that his character, Reverend Hale, possesses; His ignorance, stubbornness, and self righteousness makes him the most responsible for the progressive  monstrosity that was the Salem witch trials.

Here is a first going-over:

There are many reasons why these events occur. Miller constantly brings to the viewer's attention the fact that the flaws in Reverend Hale's character--his ignorance, stubbornness, and self-righteousness--make him primarily responsible for the escalating horror of the Salem Witch Trials.

Since The Crucible is a play, you should say "viewer's" rather than "reader's," even though you probably only read it yourself. Notice how I set off "ignorance, stubbornness, and self-righteousness" with double dashes. This is a very useful punctuation device when you are writing that kind of sentence. However, you could shorten that sentence by writing: "Miller constantly brings to the viewer's attention the fact that Reverend Hale's ignorance, stubbornness and self-righteousness make him primarily responsible...etc." You don't really have to call them character flaws since that is pretty obvious.

You are obviously intelligent and potentially a good writer. If you write several drafts of your paper, focusing on one or two aspects in each revision, you should end up with an A. These papers are a pain in the neck to write, but they are great learning experiences for conscientious students. It is well worth going over and over a paper if you end up with one that satisfies you and brings you a big fat A at the top. You next paper will be much easier to write, and the next more easy.

Make your final draft letter-perfect.

Write shorter sentences. Look at every "and," "but," and "which," and see if it is really necessary. Cut out unnecessary words, words that are redundant because they are implicit in what you have already said. For example, you say some of them confessed and some of them didn't." You could cut out four words by writing: "some confessed and some didn't." It is obvious you are talking about the people who were put on trial, so the "of thems" are redundant.

Choose the correct words to describe what you mean. A thesaurus can be very helpful.

Read The Elements of Style by Strunk and White. Sleep with it under your pillow.

I hope these comments are helpful.

• Content

First of all, you may wish to re-think your appraisal of the "tight-skinned, eager-eyed intellectual" Mr. Hale, who is convinced of the underworld and its evil as possessive of a character that is overwhelmingly ignorant because he does change throughout the course of the play. At first, he enters with his books and his enthusiasm for going after the "Old Boy"; however, as the trial develops and he listens to the witnesses and observes the dynamics of the community, Hale begins to realize that when public morality and public good exist in a theocracy, individual action is placed under suspicion since individuals are, then, motivated by how they will appear to the community and how they will stand in the church, as well. Thus, members strive to cast aspersions onto others in order to make themselves appear to be without fault in their actions. This is why, for instance, Abigail accuses Elizabeth of witchcraft; she wishes to remove her as an obstacle to attaining John Proctor.

While he suffers from naivete in Act II and is accused of being like Pontius Pilate by John Proctor, Hale begins to deduce that much of the allegations against Proctor are prompted by his disputes with Parris and other intra-personal conflicts, while Parris is threatened in his position by having Abigail as a niece. He finally questions the reasoning behind accusations at the end of Act II, and certainly in Act III during the trial when he tells Danforth, the judge, that he believes Abigail gives false testimony. When, for instance, she claims to see an angel, Hale denies its presence: "I see nothing, Your Honor!" Further, he doubts Mary Warren's testimony and asks her, "May it be, perhaps that someone conjures you even now to say that?"Even so, Hale weakens and instructs the girls to confess and save themselves, insisting that survival is the highest good, not honor.

•  Expression

Your essay has the correct format as you have a thesis statement in the introduction with three points which you attempt to develop. Again, the suggestion here is that you re-think the thesis and go with, perhaps, naive righteousness, logical thinking and practicality. Be sure to give several illustrations of each point with passages from the text. Support, support, support! The better you support, the stronger your argument. Your thesis, then, could be something like this:

While Mr. Hale presents himself as an idealistic Defender of the Faith against acts of the Devil, he is naive and stubborn, but he is also rational and comes to understand the dangerous implications of the Salem trials.

--Be sure to prove your points and supply copious support. For example, on the third point about dangerous implications, almost everyone is considered as against the church, and Hale recognizes the injustice of Proctor's attack along with the deviousness of others.

1. Naive and stubborn - Hale has a preconception of the situation and misjudges it, but he identifies the numerous animosities and selfish behaviors involved.
2. Rational and deductive - Hale becomes less and less convinced that the accusations of witchcraft are real; he begins to understand the motives and secret desires behind many of the accusations.
3. Wiser - Hale identifies the hypocrisies of the church as the accusers are automatically innocent. 

When you revise, be sure to avoid any contractions (e.g. don't) and always write about literature in the present tense (e.g.do instead of did). Check spelling, capitalization, punctuation, sentence variety, etc. Do not write "in conclusion" in the first sentence of the concluding paragraph--just make the conclusion. Reword the thesis and end with a "clincher," a thought that extends from the essay such as "Indeed, one 'weighted with authority' owes the truth to all." Avoid emotional words such as "arrogant" as used in the sentence "...he would let his arrogant sentence leave his lips."  Use transitions [see link below] more between sentences and support all statements that develop the thesis with several examples and illustrations of your point (You need more).

RE: The introductory paragraph: Enliven your beginning with a quotation or statement that will motivate your reader to continue reading your essay. For instance, you could put this quote in the "motivator": While "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," the trials on witchcraft in The Crucible effect strong character change in the Reverend Hale.