Can you spot any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors?In 2009, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs told my dad that his job in Canada for three years was done, and that he is relocated to...

Can you spot any grammatical, punctuation, or spelling errors?

In 2009, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs told my dad that his job in Canada for three years was done, and that he is relocated to Qatar. I cannot explain how excited I was after I heard the news, because that means I can live in my country, Kuwait. I felt like a bird that had just broken free of its cage and is heading back home, where it belongs. Being away from home wasn’t the whole problem, its the events that happen, when I am far away. The happy events and the sorrow events, like marriages and funerals. The other problem was the fear of losing my values. The kind of fear that would make me look for a safe haven, to feel protected. I felt ecstatic that I was back to my normal life, with family and friends. I recently noticed what a fortunate girl I am. I learned many life lessons when moving to other countries, such as not having maids and doing chores. I realized that traveling around the world has been a great experience for a Muslim girl my age, in terms of mental and social issues.

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wordprof | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

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In 2009, The Ministry of Foreign Affairs told my dad that his job in Canada, which he had held for three years, was done, and that he was being relocated to Qatar. I cannot express how excited I was after I heard the news, because it meant I could live in my country, Kuwait. I felt like a bird that had just broken free of its cage and is heading back home, where it belongs. Being away from home wasn’t the whole problem; it’s the events that happen when I am far away--the happy events and the sorrowful events, like marriages and funerals. The other problem was the fear of losing my values--the kind of fear that would make me look for a safe haven, to feel protected. Now I feel ecstatic that I am back to my normal life, with family and friends. I recently noticed what a fortunate girl I am. I learned many life lessons when moving to other countries, such as not having maids and doing chores. I realized that traveling around the world has been a great experience for me, and would be for any Muslim girl my age, in terms of mental and social issues.

I boldfaced my changes to make then easier to find. 

 

Some style comments:

1.      The Ministry of Foreign Affairs is an organization, and as such cannot technically “tell” your dad anything.  The [person at…the minister, an officer, the manager, etc.] told my dad…

2.      The opening information should be in the past tense, because it happened some time ago, and you are relating it now, in the present.

3.      You had some fragments (incomplete sentences) which I fixed by m-dashes. Note:  its--(possessive of "it") and it's--(contraction of "it is") is a common homophone error.

4.      “many life lessons..not having maids” Not perfectly clear – how is not having maids a “life-lesson”? Consider rephrasing, or perhaps getting rid of the “life-lessons” expression.

5.    in terms of mental and social issues.   Vague, too formal.  “in terms of” – vague.  “issues” is a slot-filler—a useless expression to avoid being specific.  Maybe modify “experience” with some adjectives.  “mental and social experiences” or something.

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