The first sentence doesn't really say anything and should be deleted. Instead, you need to open with a sense of what the paper is actually doing. Is it a precis of an article? A critical analysis? Is this an argumentative paper? What is the actual point you are trying to make here?
In analyzing this study, one important issue would be sample size and method of selecting samples. Then, you might look at methodology -- how did they actually assess the traits they attribute to birth order? What was the statistical significance of their results (what sort of significance tests did they do? how far did their results vary from a random distribution?) Was there any possibility of observer bias?
Finally, has this study been replicated by other psychologists and were the results identical?
For language, chose one verb tense to use throughout the paper rather than changing tense (why are you using future tense to discuss a study completed last year?) and watch out for overuse of passive voice.