Can you please help me proofread, check grammar, punctuation and spelling of the biography and make it flow with a more interesting, complex sentence structure.Here is the biography: From being a...

Can you please help me proofread, check grammar, punctuation and spelling of the biography and make it flow with a more interesting, complex sentence structure.

Here is the biography:

From being a child with goals and ambitions that had led him along a path of journeys with new adventures throughout the way, [Removed for Internet security.]

Asked on by rainbow224

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mizzwillie's profile pic

mizzwillie | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

First of all, look at the beginnings of your sentences.  Too many begin with simple words such as this, he , at, and then are followed by a simple sentence.  Learn the difference among the three:  simple, compound and complex.  Try the first sentence which really says nothing among all the words.  Rephrase.  "From being a child with goals and ambitions to becoming a man with dreams achieved and wisdom to share, Anmar Omar is a man who exemplifies the possibilities which exist in having goals and working towards them. Anmar Omar's biography explains how his curiosity led to learning skills in many fields which he now shares with the people around him."  Now, I'm not sure if that is what you really wanted to say, but I wanted to show you what you can do when you RE-WRITE or re-envision your paper.  Look for ways to combine sentences which seem repetitive and keep a straight path of time to help your reader follow you.  Good luck as you have great ideas!

etotheeyepi's profile pic

etotheeyepi | Student, Undergraduate | (Level 1) Valedictorian

Posted on

I would cut the first paragraph.

This sentence

At the age of 12 he set his goal in becoming a Mechanical engineer and with determination, he placed a piece of paper on his door with “Engineer” written on it.

Could become

At the age of twelve he set his goal in becoming a mechanical engineer, and with determination he placed a piece of paper on his door with “Engineer” written on it.

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