Please give me suggestions about how to improve this paragraph from my essay on social attitudes towards weight as shown in a TV show? Body paragaph 3: The show reveals an insight towards society’s...

Please give me suggestions about how to improve this paragraph from my essay on social attitudes towards weight as shown in a TV show?

Body paragaph 3:

The show reveals an insight towards society’s attitudes concerning weight gain. Initially, physical appearance is valuable to majority of people [Removed by Staff to protect against Internet plagiarism.]

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This paragraph is well organized and makes your point quite well.  It has a good thesis and the rest of the paragraph supports that thesis.  There are, however, a number of minor errors that detract from its quality. 

  • “An insight” should be “insights” since you are listing more than one here.
  • “Initially” means “at...

    (The entire section contains 159 words.)

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