Regarding the editing, I think that some details might need to be included and a few clarifications. Lucifer is mentioned, but be sure not to confuse Lucifer/Satan with Mephistopheles, the devil who assists Faustus. Then, the key to Faustus's fall lies in his very human quality of pride, which is what often is said to have led to Lucifer's fall: in not being the best or highest of all beings, Lucifer decided to oppose God, thus making himself the lowest of all beings. Faustus has that same story line. He wants to be the best, and in seeking that, he chooses to become the worst and most tragic of men.
Then, in presenting your essay, you will want to offer a little evidence that stays close to the text itself—quotations, examples from the plot, etc. You have a good outline, but it could be more organized and more detailed. Below is a sample of how one can amplify the draft you provide while also providing more details from the text. It would be improper for enotes to offer a complete example of how to convert what you have into a more solid argument, but below is a template on how to finish the task of turning a first impression of the prompt into a crafted argument.
In Christopher Marlowe's Doctor Faustus, we find a man we should consider among the very best of humans. At the outset of the play, Faustus is a middle-class scholar, aided by his family and his schools, who has mastered what the mind and society can provide. The play begins showing him considering what his next course of study should be, and he decides deems the usual pathways (logic, medicine, and law) as being beneath his intelligence. He has already cured towns of the plague and finds that the law deals only in tangible or base things. [You could select a quotation here that illustrates this.] His pride will not allow him to devote himself to anything but the highest uses.
When he next considers divinity or religion as his course of study, he reads tragically and selectively—randomly finding in passages of the Bible words that suggest humans are already likely to be damned and cannot of their own power prevent eternal punishment. [This could also be supported with a quotation.] If Marlowe was, as is commonly suspected, a Catholic or an atheist, this harsh Protestant doctrine would be false. Faustus, however, takes it at face value, without reading further and finding in subsequent passages lines that support a more merciful God.
Like Lucifer, Faustus's pride leads to his fall. Also like Lucifer, Faustus rejects eventual presence with God. Mephistopheles, Lucifer's ambassador to Faustus, even reminds him that to cut oneself off from Heaven is to make oneself one's Hell:
Why, this is hell, nor am I out of it.
Think'st thou that I, who saw the face of God
And tasted the eternal joys of heaven,
Am not tormented with ten thousand hells
In being deprived of everlasting bliss?
Nonetheless, Faustus turns toward necromancy, which he thinks will elevate him beyond what devotion to God and religion might offer. Once he sells his soul, Faustus becomes increasingly less dignified and is less able to achieve anything of value to himself or others. His great accomplishments seem to be playing a practical joke on the Pope and conning a poor man in a deal over a horse. Like Lucifer, whose name means Bright Star, Faustus falls from his position of intellectual and social dignity to that of a pathetic man tormented by his inability to repent.