Can you give me feedback on my poem?     From very young you have always been around. We have had our clashes and ups and downs. You have always been Mrs reliable. You have always been Mrs...

Can you give me feedback on my poem?

 

 

From very young you have always been around.

We have had our clashes and ups and downs.

You have always been Mrs reliable.

You have always been Mrs Honourable.

You have always been my Nan.

In my early years you were my teacher.

You never preached, you only teached.

You fed me soup when i was ill.

You kept me warm when i was cold.

Your perfume filled the room.

You licked a tissue to clean my cheek.

Nothings ever quite the same,

without your gentle touch,

and some days, I just miss you, Nan,

so very, very much.

Expert Answers
kateanswers eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I am sorry for your loss, and it is wonderful that you are writing in honor of your grandmother. I think your poem includes a lot of rich detail that will really touch the hearts of those you share it with at the funeral.

You've created a nice rhythm with your poem, but I wonder if you have considered a few possible word changes. In your second stanza, you have written this line, "You never preached / You only teached." While the word "teached" isn't grammatically correct, and so I might consider changing it, you have the opportunity to make an artistic decision in favor of rhyme. If you live in an area where people commonly say "teached" rather than "taught," or if your grandmother used this word, I think it would be very appropriate to keep it this way. 

The first line of your poem may be misunderstood-- "From very young you have always been around," may sound like you are talking about the time when your grandmother was young as opposed to your childhood.

I really like the phrase, "You have always been my Nan," as you wrote in the first stanza. It is simple yet lends depth to everything you have described in the previous lines. You could consider adding this phrase again at the end of your second and third stanzas to create more continuity in the poem. You might even consider changing the very last line to something like, "You will always be my Nan," to show how much you still love her even though she has passed. Of course, if you don't feel that she will always be your Nan, this phrase wouldn't be appropriate.

If you'd like more help with this poem or with future writing, please consider using our Essay Lab service. Another great way to get feedback on poetry is to read it aloud for friends and family and hear what they have to say. Maybe you have a friend who would be willing to give you some feedback on how it sounds-- I'm sure you'd like to keep this a surprise for your family.