Can you find any grammar or stylistic errors?  It was late at night when I sleepily climbed over the pile of shoes at the bottom of my staircase. I climbed the stairs and headed to my bedroom with...

Can you find any grammar or stylistic errors?

 

It was late at night when I sleepily climbed over the pile of shoes at the bottom of my staircase. I climbed the stairs and headed to my bedroom with my dog, a pit-bull terrier, named Casey. After brushing my teeth and getting ready to sleep, I sat on my bed and beckoned Casey  [Essay removed to protect against Internet plagiarism. Staff].

Asked on by thi-dallas

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mizzwillie | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Senior Educator

Posted on

I have one error to correct which is "she had already gone DOWN" instead of done.  The other suggestions I would offer have to do with word choice, creating emotion in your paragraphs, and creating sentences with more complexity.  For word choice, I like your use of the words beckoned and commotion which fit.  Now find words to replace this, there, they which don't give you any power.  To demonstrate, "An intruder had broken into my apartment!"  works better than "There was an intruder."  As for sentence complexity, look at the last part of paragraph two.  "When I finally entered the kitchen, quietly checking that each door was securely locked and no intruder visible, I noticed a closet door slightly ajar!  Trembling, I ...."    Hopefully these ideas will help you as you have a good start. 

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