Can you check the grammar of my paragraph below?                      My quick tempered father My father is easily angered by normal everyday mistakes. One day my father told...

Can you check the grammar of my paragraph below?

                      My quick tempered father

My father is easily angered by normal everyday mistakes. One day my father told my brother to wash the car and cut the grass. I did not hear exactly what he said, and so I asked him to repeat it. Then h went into a mood hysterical and shouts, “Can’t you hear?” Another time he asked my mother to go to the store and buy groceries with a fifty-dollar bill, and told her to spend no more than twenty dollars. She spend twenty-two dollars. AS soon as he found out immediately took the change from her and told her not to go anywhere else for him; he didn’t speak to her for the rest of the day. My father even gives a hard time with my older brothers his irritable moods. One day he told them to be home from their dates by midnight; they came home at 12:15. He informed them that they were grounded for three weeks. It is frustrating and difficult at times to please my father in the way he expects but I try my best to listen and obey his orders. Sometimes I wonder why he gets so upset over the such little things Even when me and my brothers tried to reason with him, he won’t cut us some slacks. My father seems to make mountains out of mole hills. He is a businessman who works a very hectic schedule and is often out of town every weekend and promoting his company’s products. He makes good money, but he should spend more time listening to his kids. To my father, making a simple mistake is like committing a crime.

Asked on by ivette096

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William Delaney | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

Here is a revised version of your essay.

                                  My Quick-Tempered Father

My father is easily angered by ordinary mistakes. One day he told my brother to wash the car and cut the grass. I did not hear exactly what he said, so I asked him to repeat it. He went into a hysterical mood and shouted, “Can’t you hear?” Another time he asked my mother to go to the store and buy groceries with a fifty-dollar bill. He told her not to spend  more than twenty dollars, but she actually spent twenty-two dollars. As soon as he found out he immediately took the change and told her not to go anywhere else for him. He didn’t speak to her for the rest of the day. My father even gives my older brothers a hard time when he is in one of his irritable moods. One day he told them to be home from their dates by midnight. They came home at 12:15. He informed them that they were grounded for three weeks.

It is frustrating and difficult at times to please my father in the way he expects, but I try my best to listen and obey his orders. Sometimes I wonder why he gets so upset over such trivial things Even when my brothers and I have tried to reason with him, he seems to make mountains out of mole hills. He is a businessman who has a very hectic schedule and is often out of town every weekend promoting his company’s products. He makes good money and is a good provider, but he should spend more time listening to his kids. To my father, making a simple mistake is like committing a crime.

It sounds good. There are only minor grammatical mistakes and a few questionable statements. For instance, I don't understand why you asked your father to repeat what he had said to your brother about washing the car and cutting the grass. He was talking to your brother. Maybe you need a better example here. I have broken your esay into two paragraphs just for eye appeal. I think you could use a better concluding sentence, perhaps asking for advice or making your own suggestion about what you and your brothers might do. (Maybe you should all join forces--you, your mother, and your brothers--and insist on a "sit down" with your father?)

Sounds like a typical American story: an Old World father with New World kids.

 

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