CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME WRITE AN INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH FOR THE ESSAY BELOW PLEASE? College is supposed to be one the best experience of our lives. Further, a University is a place that unites...

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME WRITE AN INTRODUCTION PARAGRAPH FOR THE ESSAY BELOW PLEASE?

College is supposed to be one the best experience of our lives. Further, a University is a place that unites people of all ages and backgrounds. College can be a stressful or liberating experience, people figure out what they want or don't want. Whatever students do in college will shape them for the rest of their lives so they can be contributors in society. The challenges I am facing while taking online classes which need improvement at my current University and therefore, the areas that need improvement are as follows: course related communications, timely tutor support and a more technologically friendly application.

First, it is important to admit that course related communications could be improved. Even though I don’t think my ability to learn is based on whether or not I attend online or resident course, communication between students and instructors are often delayed, sometimes for days, due to lack of immediate response. This communication could still be improved by some kind of real-time system. Still I choose to attend online only while completing my core curriculum because it not only supports my lifestyle but also provides convenience. With online courses you can always revisit a recorded class versus only having your notes to draw off of. On the other hand there are folks that do not have the same option due to many various reasons such as needing real time feedback in a classroom setting. One of the drawbacks of online learning that I have observed is the lack of physical and verbal interaction with an instructor, which can often make the communication exchange a little confusing. This is why a real-time system of course related communication between student and instructor is important. Instead of waiting a day or two for an email response from the instructor, it would help tremendously if a student could somehow call a resource and get immediate feedback.

My second suggestion is quicker response time from online tutoring by possibly instituting a college work study program. The response time to receive feedback or support from an online tutor could be improved so that new students like me won't have to wait several days before we get a response. A needed improvement could include a 24/7 hour online tutoring program which would be beneficial for those students who may be struggling with their grades. That struggle may be due to work, family, especially where small children are involved or a person’s abilities. I can't imagine how difficult it might be for someone to work a 3rd shift job seven days a week and try to stay in contact with an instructor or tutor. Another online tutoring idea could be to allow various hours for upper-level students in a work study program. Perhaps with more people on the job to help students, someone would be available 24 hours a day.

Finally, there needs to be more technologically friendly application for online courses. Technology can be either problematic or enjoyable dependent upon what you're actually doing. For example, if the student has a slow internet connection due to a lack of bandwidth and the class has large files to download that can become frustrating due to taking more time than needed. Another online learning challenge is the bandwidth needed to even access a live class session or even remain in the live session without being “kicked” out due to slow connections. Also, there can be enormous files that are required to be downloaded and can equally take an enormous amount of time. This can then cause frustration and could possibly cause the student to start falling behind. If a certain bandwidth is needed, then it should be required for an online class so that the student doesn’t teem with frustration in the middle of the learning process. Further, a few more suggested improvements would include using an application such as NetMeeting or TeamViewer, both are video conferencing applications and quite user friendly. In addition I would highly recommend that a venue be established for students to provide feedback which in turn would be applied to application upgrades for immediate improvements. Any of these improvements implemented should actually be a class requirement in order to insure success.

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sullymonster | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

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You have some wonderful specifics in the body of your essay, where you provide concrete details about the needs of the university.  However, in your introduction, you fall back upon vague generalities about how college is important.  Apply to strategy to your introduction that you applied to your body paragraphs.  Rather than telling your audience college is important, include something concrete. You start with statistics about graduation rates for college overall, or better yet, statistics about your university.  If your goal is to prove that changes need to be made, you must first establish that a problem exists.  Use your introduction to highlight that problem.  If you don't want to start with a statistic, an anecdotal introduction is a possible choice.  Identify a very specific problem you have experienced lately and tell the story of that experience.  This can then lead you to your thesis, in which you make the claim that certain areas need to be addressed for the overall success of the students. 

To summarize - use your introduction to show that a problem exists currently, then make your claim (your thesis) that these three areas are where that problem needs to be addressed.

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