Can someone help me with this intro?Qns: Who makes a better leader after Caesar's death? Brutus or Cassius? Intro In this play, Julius Caesar, Brutus makes a better leader after Caesar's death....

Can someone help me with this intro?

Qns: Who makes a better leader after Caesar's death? Brutus or Cassius?

Intro

In this play, Julius Caesar, Brutus makes a better leader after Caesar's death. Brutus is honourable, persuasive and patriotic. In the following essay, I will prove to you the reasons why I believe that Brutus will make a better leader with this qualities in him.

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litteacher8's profile pic

litteacher8 | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

You need to include a strong thesis in your introduction.  This is not where you go comparing the two characters.  Just say who is a stronger leader, and make a short list of this leader's characteristics.  In the body of the essay you can compare them.

julierunacres's profile pic

julierunacres | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Adjunct Educator

Posted on

It's better not to refer to the paper because it's really just a redundant statement- your essay is going to set out to prove your thesis because that is what the task asks you to do. So it can sound rather like you're clearing your throat before starting the essay properly.

The thesis on Brutus is sounding good. You could add to it and strengthen your intro by maybe adding a few observations about Cassius' shortcomings as a leader following Caesar's death.

Hope this is helpful to you and good luck with it all.

mshurn's profile pic

Susan Hurn | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Not referring to your paper is really just a matter of accepted style. The link below will take you to some sample thesis statements, showing examples of poorly written statements and well written ones. Look at the second example, especially, to see what is the wrong style and what is right.

http://ol.scc.spokane.edu/cbucher/wtw/thesis.htm

The idea mrsmonica gave you is an example of a good thesis statement that you can then explain and support in your paper. It actually should be the last sentence in your introductory paragraph. So, what to write before you get to it? You could write a general introduction by establishing the title of the play and briefly what the story concerns. Then you could identify Brutus and Cassius and the parts they play in the story. This should then lead you into the statement mrsmonica suggested, which would be the last sentence of your well developed introduction. I hope this is helpful.

mshurn's profile pic

Susan Hurn | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

I think you're getting very good advice from mrsmonica. Notice that what she suggested doesn't include "I" or "you." Keep your introduction and the rest of your paper in third person, unless your teacher lets you write in first person (I) and second person (you). Essays are generally written in third person only. Also, don't refer to the paper, such as "in the following essay." Again, good luck!

drmonica's profile pic

drmonica | (Level 2) Associate Educator

Posted on

What you might want to consider in your introduction paragraph is a general summary of Brutus's leadership characteristics rather than a short list of three qualities. The reason why I make this suggestion is because high-quality essays don't slavishly follow the five-paragraph essay format. There is nothing wrong with using it as a framework, but you don't need to stick so strictly with it in the opening paragraph. You also need to acknowledge the choice that the question gave you by mentioning Cassius in the opening paragraph.

You might write something like "Brutus is a better leader than Cassius after Caesar's death. Brutus's leadership qualities, including honor, persuasion, and patriotism, propel him to the forefront."

Good luck with your essay! 

benjamineu's profile pic

benjamineu | Student, Grade 10 | (Level 1) eNoter

Posted on

Thanks for your suggestions. Especially mrsmonica, you gave me a very good start to my essay. Anyway, to mshurn, may I know the reason why we should not refer to the paper? My tutor usually emphasise on the fact that we must relate back to the topic by giving an end to the introduction. Therefore, I hope that you will be able to give me a better idea on what to write in order to conclude the introductions. Once again, Thanks.

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