Help finish my sonnet on lost love? I have to write a sonnet for English, and I'im writing mine on lost love. It is a Shakespearean sonnet, meaning the rhyme scheme is abab cdcd efef gg, and it has...

Help finish my sonnet on lost love? I have to write a sonnet for English, and I'im writing mine on lost love. It is a Shakespearean sonnet, meaning the rhyme scheme is abab cdcd efef gg, and it has to have 10 syllables in each line. I have no idea on what to do for the second stanza so I made random stuff up.... This is what I have so far:

The sky is light but I sit in darkness

Days, weeks, months have passed since I have seen you

You left me and now I sit in anguish

Grieving for the one that I  __________???? NO IDEA ON WHAT TO WRITE HERE

 

You went to place where you can’t come back

I sit and think my gloomy past

Wondering what I did to deserve that

I want to rid myself of the things that tie me back

 

Yet I can only see your face in my mind

Your glowing eyes filled with love and delight

A laugh as joyous as yours is hard to find

I think of our good times when I sleep at night

 

I’m lucky that I fell in love with thee

I have your memories to comfort me

 

 

3 Answers | Add Yours

lentzk's profile pic

Kristen Lentz | Middle School Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

In the first stanza, on your missing line: 

  • Grieving for the lost one that I once knew
  • Grieving for the person that I once knew

The first stanza comes across well.  I like the interplay of dark and light imagery.  Perhaps the second stanza should continue some more of the light versus darkness theme.  If the 'you' in the poem has died, perhaps you contrast the speaker and the lost friend in terms of light (of heaven, perhaps) and the darkness felt by the lost friend's absence.  I liked the idea of the "gloomy past", so incorporate more of the moody dark tone into the following stanzas. 

thanatassa's profile pic

thanatassa | College Teacher | (Level 3) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

You have a useful draft here, but there are some areas where it still needs work. The main issue here is that a sonnet uses a rhythmic pattern. Rather than having ten syllables with a random pattern of stresses, the Shakespearean sonnet uses iambic pentameter, in which you alternate stressed and unstressed syllables. Thus, using bold to represent stressed syllables, a typical few lines might run:

And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,

And look upon myself and curse my fate ...

Very few of the lines in the draft show any sort of rhythmical structure. For example "Your glowing eyes filled with love and delight" contains two iambs, but then wanders off into a random pattern of stresses. A regular line might run "Your glowing eyes were filled with love for me."

The next issue you might consider as you revise is including more specific details and concrete imagery. One has no idea of the age, gender, appearance, character, or anything else about the lover and the beloved in the poem. There are really no specific memories evoked here or nothing that can ground a reader in a sort of dramatic situation. Is the beloved dead? In prison? In the military? Who dumped whom? What evokes the memory? A poem needs to evoke emotions through concrete imagery, rather than just stating that the narrator feels an emotion. Although you have a sense of what you want to convey, you need more details to actually convey it in a manner a reader will appreciate.

 

 

Sources:
tuhin99's profile pic

tuhin99 | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

I think, following line should b better, if u like,

"Grieving for the one that i want far new".

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