Can a good friend also operate as a love interest?Can a good friend also operate as a love interest?

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lsumner | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Senior Educator

Posted on

I believe that it is of utmost importance to be a good friend with someone before pursuing romantic interest. I must admit that I am divorced because my husband and I had nothing in common. Being good friends and having compatibility is so important. I can honestly say I loved my husband and I believe he loved me, but we did not share any interests. We had no desire to spend time together because we were so different. We put up with this for twenty-five years before we called it quits and divorced. He and I are both relieved to be out of a marriage that was not based on friendship and compatibility.

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bigdreams1 | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

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Can romance develop FROM friendship? Of Course, I think it happens all the time.

However, your question seemed to ask whether  both friendship and romance could exist in the same relationship at the same time. To this, I would give a qualified "no" for an answer.

Once a relationship crosses the line from friendship to sex or romance, the dynamics change. A new type of friendship can develop, but I agree with poster #6 above that you can never go back to what you had before once the line is crossed.

Watch "When Harry met Sally". They deal very humorously with the same dilemma.

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bullgatortail | High School Teacher | (Level 1) Distinguished Educator

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In the case of my own marriage, I knew my wife for many years before a romantic interest blossomed. She was a very good friend long before romance entered the picture. I certainly agree with the previous posts claiming that a couple should be good friends before entering into a romantic union, but needless to say, many couples meet and fall in love quickly without the benefit of a previous, longterm friendship. Can a friend become a love interest? Absolutely. Can sex change the relationship between two friends? Absolutely--for better or worse.

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brettd | High School Teacher | (Level 2) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

There has to be some mutual feelings there, obviously, as one person who considers it a friendship and one who considers it more than that seem to have a hard time remaining functional in a friendship. The person who wants more usually has a hard time containing those feelings, while the person who views it as friendship can often become uncomfortable around the person when they find out they want more, thus straining the friendship. There are no absolute rules where this is concerned though, and it is certainly possible.
litteacher8's profile pic

litteacher8 | High School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I think that if you take a friendship to a romantic place, you have to be prepared to end the friendship.  It is very hard to go back to being friends if the romance fails.  On the other hand, many good friends do become romantic.  A romance that begins in friendship is the best kind, in my opinion.  But you can really never go back.

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pohnpei397 | College Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

If we are talking about the long term, then it is almost necessary for your "love interest" to be a good friend as well.  It is impossible for me to imagine being married for as long as I have been (only 21 years, so I lag behind Larrygates) without being good friends with my wife.

If you are talking about how love starts out -- whether you can have a good friend turn into a "love interest," I have seen it happen to many people.  People who are good friends know a great deal about one another and care a great deal about one another.  This is a good basis for the start of romantic love.

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larrygates | College Teacher | (Level 1) Educator Emeritus

Posted on

Prior to marrying my spouse of 39 years, I was advised by a wise person that one must be friends before one can be lovers. Friendship and love are both based on common interests and common sharing. If the love affair is purely physical, it is quite often disappointing and short lived.

There are times when a physical attraction develops between two people who have previously been good friends. As long as they can share with one another, be open and honest with each other, then the relationship can certainly work.  At other times, however, the friendship tends to supersede any physical attraction; in which case it is best not to force the issue, but rather to remain friends. There is no loss there; friends can be one of life's most precious assets.

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Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I think that you will find different answers to this question.  In my mind, I think that it is critical for any significant relationships to emerge that there is a basis or foundation of friendship.  I think that it is a challenge, but in order for romantic relationships to prosper, there has to be a partnership based on trust, fairness, and a sense of respect.  It is here where friendship must be present.  As women's roles change all over the world, I think that the traditional model of a male- dominated view of romantic relationships will have to somewhat change.  Simply put, men and women, the roles the assume and the opportunities present to both are changing.  Part of this change would be how relationships are constructed.  There must be a friendship base in order for successful romance to happen.  Ironically enough, this is actually a traditional notion of romance.  There was a time when husband and wives were one another's best friends.  The life bond and connection that husbands and wives used to share was one predicated upon mutual respect and friendship.  It is interesting as much as times have changed that the need for friendship to be present in relationships has not disappeared.

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newsatheesh | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

Romance can demolish the friendship or it is the starting point of love.....

newsatheesh's profile pic

newsatheesh | Student, Undergraduate | eNotes Newbie

Posted on

Can romance develop FROM friendship? Of Course, I think it happens all the time.

However, your question seemed to ask whether  both friendship and romance could exist in the same relationship at the same time. To this, I would give a qualified "no" for an answer.

Once a relationship crosses the line from friendship to sex or romance, the dynamics change. A new type of friendship can develop, but I agree with poster #6 above that you can never go back to what you had before once the line is crossed.

Watch "When Harry met Sally". They deal very humorously with the same dilemma.

well said especially harry met film example is good......

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