How can my essay be improved?Sample from my essay on homeschooling: The home becomes the entire school. You may have the lesson anywhere in the house. The students learn at their own pace. A...

How can my essay be improved?

Sample from my essay on homeschooling:

The home becomes the entire school. You may have the lesson anywhere in the house. The students learn at their own pace. A subject matter that is considered problematic can be studied slowly or repetitively without being a bother to other students, unlike in a regular school. Since the ratio of teacher to student is one is to one, every problem and question can be addressed directly. This will ensure that the student will totally understand a subject matter before a new subject can be taught.

Motivation and self-discipline are two major concerns of home schooling. Some people view students of home schools may not be as disciplined or as motivated because of the lack of competition with other students. Actually, it is the opposite. Those who are able to complete their home schooling are even more motivated and more self-disciplined than those in regular schools. The fact that there is the absence of other students to stand as competition to improve their learning, it is the same absence that makes those who do home schooling to compete with themselves. We all know that those who practice martial arts need a lot of self-discipline and they will tell you that their greatest challenge is mastering themselves thru self-discipline. This principle applies with home schooling. If you can’t master your own demons, then you won’t be able to complete home schooling.

Expert Answers
Lorraine Caplan eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I have a few ideas that I hope will help you with your essay, mostly having to do with organization.  You do not have an introductory paragraph or a concluding paragraph.  You jump right in and start making your points.  An academic essay requires a first paragraph that gains your reader's interest, states your main idea, and provides a preview of the points you plan to cover in support of your main idea.  At the very end of the paper, you need a final paragraph that restates your main idea and provides the reader with a review of the points you presented.  Right now, what you have written is what we call the "body" of the essay.  If you can picture an essay as a sandwich, the introduction and the conclusion are the bread, and the body is the "meat" in the sandwich. 

I have provided you with a link that will give you further help on how to "shape" an essay. 

Ashley Kannan eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I think that there are some significantly interesting points raised in your essay.  If I could add one more element, it would be that instruction can be differentiated to the specific learning goals in a home learning environment.  The challenge of being able to tailor make curriculum to the exact nature of the specific student is, in theory, easier to meet in an intimate setting where the needs of one or two students can be immediately met.  Teachers can enhance the curriculum in making it more meaningful to the exact learner, and in the process, ensure that a more significant aspect of teaching and learning is evident in the process.