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Elie also finds himself repulsive when he does things and witnesses things without offering his help as he would have when circumstances were different. For instance, he runs away from his father and hopes in the back of his mind that his father will not find him again since his father is draining him of energy which Elie needs to survive. Elie also is quite disgusted with himself for watching the fights in the car over a piece of bread. He watches as people are crushed and beaten to death over a bite of bread and compares them to animals. Even though they are all starving, he wishes the people throwing the bread into the cars wouldn't do it as there is never enough to feed everyone and all it does is cause horrors.
"Never shall I forget those moments which murdered my God and my Soul and turned my dreams to dust." This is how Elie Wiesel describes his feelings as a result of living in the camps. Elie suffers a crisis of his faith due to the deplorable living conditions of the camp and watching his father and others around him slowly die an agonizing death. This is when he goes through a major change of trying to reconcile what's happening to him and all the other Jews with the beliefs he's been taught about God. He doesn't reject God, but he does decide that he "no longer accepted God's silence". Elie changes his views that God is a just and merciful God, but he also comes to a decision that he will not allow the camps to kill him. Survival becomes his only goal, and realizes that "something within me revolted against death." His religious teaching hasn't prepared him for understanding anything like the death camps, and he depends upon himself, the man, to survive.
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