Arranged Marriages Are Right or wrongI think arranged marraiges are very pathetic it is one of the worst things a family can do for their children? My school has a few  Asian children who know...

Arranged Marriages Are Right or wrong

I think arranged marraiges are very pathetic it is one of the worst things a family can do for their children? My school has a few  Asian children who know their fate will be an arranged marriage!!I think its not right cause ushally the man is like 15 + years older than the female and it just seems wrong!! What do you guys think??

Expert Answers
Lorraine Caplan eNotes educator| Certified Educator

It is my understanding that arranged marriages are often far more successful than those in which people choose one another.  Cultures with arranged marriages have far lower divorce rates and rate higher in other measures of success as well.  Being in a Western culture, it is difficult for me to imagine this, but I have spoken extensively to many people in arranged marriages, and it's remarkable how much satisfaction there is.  For one thing, in Western cultures where one's partner is freely chosen, we tend to have very high and unreasonable expectations of marriage, expectations that could not possibly be met by any partner.  For another, our culture does not any longer reinforce the idea that people should stay together and work out their differences.  In cultures with arranged marriages, the entire culture and community reinforce that idea.  Generally, I don't think there is anything inherently right or wrong either way, simply what we are accustomed to. 

litteacher8 eNotes educator| Certified Educator
Although the children in your school might have mates chosen for them already by their parents, they still have the choice to marry or not. In the modern world, parents cannot force thier children to marry a certain person. Parents can express disapproval, and possibly even disown children who don't marry the person they want, but in most cases they cannot actually force the marriage. To play the devil's advocate, some people in arranged marriages actually are happy. Marriage, and relationships, can be complicated. While it is best for a person to choose his or her own mate, it doesn't mean the one chosen for him or her will not be a good one. That doesn't make it morally acceptable to most people, of course.
pohnpei397 eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I think this is one of those instances where it's okay to be different in different cultures.  I agree that it's pretty tough if you're growing up in a Western country and all your friends are planning to find their own mates and you have an arranged marriage.  But I don't think it's a moral issue or one where only one way can possibly be right.  There are plenty of non-arranged marriages that are really bad ideas and that totally don't work out. 

I'd never arrange my kids' marriages, but I'm from a Western culture.  I don't think it's wrong for people from a different culture to have different ways when it comes to marriage.

rrteacher eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I can only agree with the previous posters, marriage is after all a cultural institution, and different cultures have different mores regarding it, and even different ideas of what marriage actually is. It may seem odd to people from the West, but it has been the norm for centuries in many societies. It wasn't all that uncommon in the West, for that matter, even within the last 100 years. In fact, it's hard to argue that people in the West really have 100% freedom to marry who they'd like. Even setting aside the issue of same-sex marriage, cultural expectations in the West often include parental permission.

stolperia eNotes educator| Certified Educator

Cultural beliefs can not be judged as being right or wrong by persons from outside of that culture. The practices and ways of living and doing things that have developed within each culture have been shaped and influenced by time and events that have impacted that group of people and their shared experience in ways that outsiders will not understand or appreciate. While cultures change and adapt in response to changing conditions in the surrounding world, we have no right to pass judgement on something when we don't comprehend or appreciate all the background reasons for its existence.

bullgatortail eNotes educator| Certified Educator

I don't believe you can term arranged marriages as simply right or wrong. Many cultures consider arranged marriages a proper way of coupling a man and woman, and it used to be quite common in the United States and Great Britain as well. Royalty often used arranged marriages to consolidate feuding nations and keep wealth in the family's hands. It certainly goes against the common belief that love should be the primary factor in marriage, but considering the high rate of divorce in the U.S., arranged marriages should not be discounted entirely.

lmetcalf eNotes educator| Certified Educator

As others have noted above, the "problem" of an arranged marriage is only a problem from the perspective of someone who doesn't live in that culture. In the Western world, we don't arrange marriages, but other cultures do, and have done for centuries -- with great success! There is no magic in either type of marriage, but having a common, cultural ground shared by both people is an essential element. There are good and bad marriages in every culture.

readerofbooks eNotes educator| Certified Educator

If you look at divorce rates, arranged marriages might not be a bad option. To have others, who know and love you to choose might be a wise thing. From our point of view, it is distasteful, to be sure. However, it deserves consideration. We might not be the best judges of what we need. When we put it this way, it is humble posture, which can be fruitful.

accessteacher eNotes educator| Certified Educator

You need to be aware that arranged marriages have "worked" for many centuries in many different cultures. I have friends who have been married in this way, and in some senses they are happier than other people who marry for love. You also might like to observe that divorce rates are lower in arranged marriages than they are for love marriages.

jess1999 | Student

I think that arranged marriage can be both bad and good . It could be a good thing because countries that cultures consist of arranged marriages have a less divorce rate . The bad thing with that though is that in most of the marriages abuse are present , and the female is usually unable to leave ( or else she would be known as a disgrace ) . Another bad thing is that if all your friends are able to go and find their special someone , and you're in an arranged marriage it might make you feel a bit left out . 

crystaltu001 | Student

I don't really think arranged marriage is a good thing because you are going to marry someone you barely know or someone you just met. But depending on cultures sometimes it may be a good thing but other times i do not think it is a good thing.

naari | Student

I am not against arrange   marriage at all. My parents are a perfect example of a happily married (arrange) couple . There is nothing wrong in it , one just need to keep it in mind that whatever our parents will do will be good for us. 

baby14geli14 | Student

It's WRONG. We're the ones who should choose whom we like or not. What's the purpose of getting married if you don't like the person? Duh! =P

wdl315 | Student

In my opinion, arranged marriages are morally wrong. People should at least have the freedom to choose who they are to live with for the rest of their lives. Forcing them to marry someone they dislike may result in disaterous concequences, for example, their spouse might be driven insane or be abused physically or sexually.

vishnuip | Student

I think arranged marrages are good. Even though it is not a thing that held between two strangers but it must be done only after knowing the two pupils each other. I also supports for the arranged love marrages why because it helps the partners to live comfortabily and also they will get support and love from their parents also it will help them in any situations. 

loraaa | Student

I do not think that arranged marriages are wrong, but it is also not true entirely.
 Arranged marriages, sometimes useful for the family, And maintain the cohesion of family.


bhawanipur | Student

I have gone through all the other posts and seen that almost all points have been discussed nicely. Actually, there is nothing wrong or right in arranged marriage. My marriage was an arranged and married about 25 years ago. In our country, arranged marriage is a culture and I see about 85% people happy with their marriage. Whereas there are many instances that love marriages have met very pathetic ending. Some people love someone out of temporary emotion and then marry. When they start living together, they confront various problems and realize that they did wrong. In arranged marriages, there is no half brother or half sister. For a few days, I have been to Yahoo answers and there is a category of questions where I found that teenagers are in love and relationship. But they all have suspicions about their counterpart. They suspect each other and leave after a period. Chilren are in depression because either their mother or father has married once again to someone. In arranged marriage people learn to compromise and at later stage they feel happy. They work together for each other and espicially for children.

However, it does mean that love marriages are all flop show. Out of them some are leading happy life but here also question comes of compromise.

Finally its the question of compromise and tolerance to each other's nature and love for children they beget which make a marrige happy ending.

wanderista | Student

I don't like the idea of arranged marraige. It seems to take away the freedom and individuality each person haves. It also is extremely risky, as the husband and bride to be might completely dislike each other, resulting in much conflict and anger. I believe if one wants to get married, they should marry on their own terms and by their own beliefs.