I am having a hard time on structuring a sentence for an assignment.  How can you help me?For example, their child are discouraged and unwillijng to learn, they refuse to be responsible, and tend...

I am having a hard time on structuring a sentence for an assignment.  How can you help me?

For example, their child are discouraged and unwillijng to learn, they refuse to be responsible, and tend to act out independently without instilled values and authority from their parents.

My correction: However, without the instill values and authority from parents children are discouraged and unwilling to learn, refuse to be responsible, and act out indenpendty.

Asked on by lissa671

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kimfuji's profile pic

kimfuji | College Teacher | (Level 1) Associate Educator

Posted on

Your correction is okay; but your grammar isn't right. You shouldn't start a sentence with the word however unless that sentence occurs in a paragrah after some other sentences. You can start that sentence with "Without". For example: Without a system that instills values, and without the parent's authority, children become discouraged and tend to act out independently.

In addition, grammatically speaking, you cannot say"without the instill values"; you can say "without instilled values".

 

Just a note about the assignment: what I notice is that when people talk about children without instilled values they usually mean, without "good" values, whatever that means.

 

Top Answer

lhc's profile pic

lhc | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Educator

Posted on

As an educator in the public schools for the past 15 years, I am curious to know exactly what type of assignment you are working on, and for what class, as the type of children you are writing about are the most challenging ones teachers deal with!  Anyway, I think you have corrected your sentence fairly well, but here's what I would do to make it even better:

"However, a child who is discouraged and unwilling to learn, has difficulty taking responsibility for his or her actions, and tends to act out inappropriately has probably not received a clear-cut set of values instilled by his or her parents."

As a teacher, I must also comment here on the snowballing effect that lack of success has on many "reluctant learners."  Often a child who acts out and misbehaves does so because it is much cooler to be labeled a behavior problem than to be seen as a dummy; frustration and boredom may also lead to acting out, simply because the child doesn't feel capable of even attempting the work he or she's being asked to do. 

 

 

akannan's profile pic

Ashley Kannan | Middle School Teacher | (Level 3) Distinguished Educator

Posted on

I think that there has to be a clear distillation as to what meaning one is striving to develop in the sentence.  I think your correction is solid in terms of being able to draw a conclusion that links the multiple realities suggested together.  I might also suggest that "The refusal to be responsible, the discouragement and unwillingness to learn, and the independence of action are the direct results from the lack of instilled values and authority from parents."  I think that however one phrases it, the intent is present.  Yet, I would posit that perhaps it is more rhetorically powerful to link the conditions present as a direct consequence of what is being proposed.  The statement, itself, seems a bit sweeping, as there could be other factors driving these realities.

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