Please offer advice and suggest corrections on the draft of my paper below. The thesis statement may need work.

A person can share significant moments with those he least expects from. The narrator, the husband of the woman, is a man who feels disconnected from his wife and his social life. Raymond Carver portrays this man as someone who is jealous of his wife’s relationship with the blind man, he is ignorant as he is stereotyping the blind man and shows that he was uncomfortable that a blind man was staying in his home.

 

The narrator was uncomfortable with his wife’s friend because he was blind. He says “I wasn’t enthusiastic about his visit. And his being blind bothered me.” (Carver, 86) This was because the narrator has only seen blind people in movies. He assumes that blind people “moved slowly and never laughed.” (Carver, 86) He shows his jealously when he stated, “She told me he touched his fingers to every part of her face, her nose – even her neck!” (Carver, 86) The exclamation point shows that he was not happy that it happened.

 

The narrator shows his ignorance again when he thought blind people did not smoke. He says, “I remembered having read somewhere that the blind didn’t smoke because, as speculation had it, they couldn’t see the smoke they exhaled.” (Carver, 90) He was surprised that the old man finished his cigarette. He shows his jealousy throughout the story. He listens to his wife and the blind man, Robert, talk throughout the evening. The narrator says “I waited in vain to hear my name on my wife’s sweet lips: And then my dear husband came into my life – something like that. But I heard nothing of the sort.” (Carver, 91) He shows his insecurity and was annoyed, you can tell, as he got up to turn on the TV when he thought Robert was done.

 

As his wife went to bed, he and Robert smoked cannabis. He starts to warm up to Robert.

Expert Answers

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It seems that your paper is an argumentative essay, in which the author takes a firm position in the thesis statement and then uses material from the text to support it. The thesis seems entirely appropriate for Raymond Carver’s story. The second part of the sentence is incomplete and not grammatically correct. You might consider ending it with a phrase such as “share significant moments with a person with whom they do not expect having anything in common.” In English, ending a sentence with a preposition is not considered grammatically correct.

In developing the paper, think about the evidence you select from the text in terms of the way it supports your thesis. The draft now is almost entirely about the narrator, and focuses on his thoughts and ideas in the early part of the story.

You might pose some questions to yourself about the ways your thesis is borne out. What are the “significant moments” that the narrator and Robert share? How do those moments challenge the narrator’s expectations? Perhaps think about the impact on Robert as well: are the moments they share significant for him as well? Can we determine from the narrative what Robert thought after he helped the narrator see and draw the cathedral? Including discussion of the time they spend together, with attention to the effect that experience has on both men, would help you connect the latter part of the essay with the thesis statement.

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